Undone (Vino and Veritas) by Leslie McAdam & Heart Eyes Press LGBTQ
Author:Leslie McAdam & Heart Eyes Press LGBTQ [McAdam, Leslie]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Sarina Bowen’s Heart Eyes Press LLC
Published: 2021-08-11T16:00:00+00:00
22
Jason
My gripâs firm on the steering wheel, although inside I feel jolted to my core. Like Iâve been shaken and now Iâm a blank gray Etch A Sketch waiting for someone to draw a new image on me.
Only, is that image gay? (Bi? Pan? Something else?)
The ringing in my ears stops, and I blink and look at where I am. Iâm not sure how I got here. Must have been some sort of internal directive.
Iâm parked in the lot behind Vino and Veritas. The back door is open. Light emanates from inside, like itâs alive.
And Iâm out here wondering if I belong in there. Not because itâs inclusive and friendly. But because of those rainbow flags in the windows.
I need to go talk to Murph, but I have to figure out how I feel and what to say first.
Is my sexual orientation something Iâve been ignoringâconsciously or notâfor years?
Iâve always been open with my body. Sex is fun and natural. Does it matter who I do it with?
To my surprise, the answer that comes to me is both yes and no. They duke it out in my mind.
Iâd figured the answer was no. As long as Iâm having sex with a consenting adult whoâs into itâpreferably really into itâit doesnât matter who I sleep with.
But maybe the answer is yes, it matters who I touch. Because maybe I want sex to mean more than it has. To not feel as empty as it feltâfeelsâwhen itâs just sex with no heart.
So, what if the person Iâm touching is a guy? Could I do that?
A rap on my window knocks me out of my thoughts.
A man crouches down and looks in my window, smiling.
I roll down the windowâthankfully the rainâs tapered offâonly now realizing I hadnât turned my car off. Iâm not sure how long Iâve been parked here.
âHey, gorgeous. You okay? You were here when I arrived, then I went outside and noticed you hadnât moved. I wanted to see if you wanted to come in with me.â The guyâs tone is light and flirty and oh my god, Iâm being picked up by a guy. While my first inclination is to be shocked, I take a deep breath and stare at him. Time to try out this new ⦠identity.
âUm,â I say. Eloquently.
His smile falters. âAre you all right? Youâre not waiting for someone, are you?â
Is it just me, or is he brazen? And his confidence is giving me confidence. Because I could do this, right? Ask a guy out?
Or do I only want one specific guy?
I gulp and gaze at him, not sure if Iâm grimacing or smiling. âIâm not sure,â I say, honesty coming out. âI just ended up here.â
âIf you make up your mind and decide to go in, Iâd be happy if you wanted to end up with me.â He shrugs. And then he looks again, really taking in my face. âYou are okay, right?â
I nod repeatedly. âThank you. Yes. Sorry. Iâve just. Um. Had a weird night.
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