This Is Not Forgiveness by Celia Rees

Author:Celia Rees
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
ISBN: 9781599907765
Publisher: Bloomsbury Publishing Plc
Published: 2011-10-16T07:00:00+00:00

Praxis: the process by which a theory, lesson, or skill is enacted or practised, embodied and/or realised.

I interpret this to mean that I need an expert, someone who has the skill to put theory into practice. I’ve got just the guy.

Chapter 18

At first I’m happy, really, really happy. Then I’m not. I go home in a daze, get through that day, just waiting for the night to come. But she doesn’t show that night, or the next, or the next. I go from euphoria to deep depression. I check my phone every five minutes. No messages and I don’t know her number. I look her up on Facebook. She’s not even on it. Everyone I know is on it. Everyone in the whole world is on it. I check all the other sites. Nothing. She doesn’t exist in cyberspace.

I mope about, Martha calls it sulking, but Mum doesn’t even notice. She’s stopped worrying about Rob for the time being. He went with her to see Grandpa and even thanked her for her latest food parcel. She came back beaming.

‘He seems different. More settled. He’s got Grandpa’s car back on the road and he’s been working the allotment. He seems much more focused, as though he’s gained a sense of purpose.’

‘Like what?’ Martha asks.

‘He didn’t say.’

‘Getting himself a job, by any chance? He’s perfectly capable.’

‘I dare say he will when the right opportunity comes along. He certainly seems to be steadying down. You know, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’d got a girlfriend.’

‘Girlfriend! Rob!’ Martha snorts her astonishment. ‘What makes you think that!’

‘Oh, I don’t know. Something. Call it mother’s intuition.’

‘Well, I’d get it checked if I was you. What girl would be mad enough to go out with him?’

‘You’d be surprised. He’s smartened himself up quite a bit. He can look very handsome and he can be charming when he makes the effort.’ Rob is Mum’s favourite, no doubt. ‘It’s about time he settled down. Started thinking about a family, even. Lots of boys his age do. Are you going out tonight?’ she asks. I shake my head. ‘It’s just me and Jack are going out to the Miller’s for a drink and a bite to eat. We won’t be late. You can come if you like.’

I shake my head again. I don’t go out at night, in case she turns up for me, or in case I see her out with somebody else. I fantasise about seeing her with the Art guy. I think about ripping his face off.

This goes on for a week. Two. I think she may turn up at the boats. I’m there early and leave late. Alan thinks it’s devotion to duty. It’s hardly that. I scrutinise the crowds who come down to the river, hoping to see her, my heart thumps hard in my chest every time I spot a girl who looks anything like her. When I get a fare, I sweep up and back, poling like a maniac, just in case she’s waiting for me back at the station.

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