The Left Hand of Dog by SI CLARKE

Author:SI CLARKE [Clarke, SI]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781916287860
Publisher: White Hart Fiction

The lift doors slid open, delivering us to the bridge.

‘Hey, Henry,’ called Bexley as she trotted across the open space towards the robot. Spock followed her out and ran straight to Henry, giving her a thorough sniffing.

‘Cheese curds,’ replied Henry by way of greeting in that way-too-posh androgynous voice of hers. ‘While you’ve been downstairs playing house, I’ve been doing the offing research. And bringing us into orbit around the planet. Where are the gas bag and the feather duster?’

‘Aurora and BB will join us in a bit,’ I said as I stood gawping at the incredible view of the dome above us. ‘They’re just cleaning up the lunch stuff.’

‘You meatsacks waste so much time with your biological processes. Do you have any idea how forking inefficient you are? Do you even care?’

‘Whatever, you snarctastic household appliance,’ said Bexley without even looking in her direction. ‘You’re just jealous. But since you’re obviously dying to tell us what you’ve learnt, go ahead and enlighten us.’

Henry extended something that looked like a whisk in Bexley’s direction and – well – whisked it a bit. ‘The planet has both gravity and air that are similar to what we have on the ship – within the tolerances of the requirements of all the generic pork products on board.’

‘Within the tolerances,’ I repeated – intending it as a sort of question.

‘Oh good, it’s mastered the art of repetition.’

Bexley and Spock both moved rapidly to put themselves between Henry and me.

‘Be nice,’ said Spock.

Bexley pointed a hand-hoof at Henry. ‘Lem is a person – same as you. She has feelings and she’s worthy of respect – just like anyone else. Let her be. She’s as sentient as you or me or Spock.’

‘Well, that’s debatable. Anyway, did you want to hear more about the planet you’re about to visit – or would you rather stand around for a bit longer debating the intellectual capacity of this ham sandwich?’

‘Just tell us about the planet,’ I snapped. Spock wandered over to the window and gazed out at the planet below us. This time it really did fill almost half the view.

An appendage that looked like a bottle opener popped out of Henry’s torso. ‘Sure, fine, whatever. It seems we’re in a bit of a void between various systems. Magrathea has been visited by any number of spacefaring races. The locals have profited from their position as a sort of roadside services for interstellar travellers. At any given time, dozens of different species can be found in the planet’s restaurants, engine repair facilities, and whorehouses.’

Bexley tapped the nearest console excitedly. ‘Sweet, so we’re not going to freak them out with the general freakery of our appearance? I was a bit worried. You know, ’cause I don’t know if you’ve noticed but we’re a bit of a mixed bag of, um, pick ’n’ mix. Like, have you even seen us?’

‘A horse, an unswearing robot, a giant parrot, a cloud of sentient glitter gas, a non-binary IT project manager, and a talking

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