The Baby (The Boss #5)

Author:Abigail Barnette [Barnette, Abigail]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Romance
Publisher: Abigail Barnette
Published: 2015-11-09T05:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER TEN

The next afternoon, I woke up to an entirely different life.

I was sick of doing that.

Rolling onto Neil’s side of the bed, I closed my eyes and inhaled the scent of his cologne on his pillow. Even though the sheets were cold and the room was silent, I pretended he was just in the shower. I imagined him coming out of the bathroom, toweling off on his way to the closet to get dressed. He would make some crack about me still being asleep, and I would roll my eyes. Maybe I would get him to get back under the covers, or join me for a second shower.

I reached between my legs and felt where he’d so recently been inside me, after so long. He’d meant for it to be the last time. If I hadn’t found that note, maybe it would have been. The doctor had said that overdosing on Valium wasn’t often fatal. But Neil had intended for it to be.

He’d intended to die in our bed, lying beside me. He hadn’t cared that I would wake up beside his body.

Fuck Neil.

I sat up, my skin crawling at the touch of the sheets that now felt like a corpse’s shroud. I wasn’t angry. I was enraged. I buried my face in my pillow and screamed as hard and loud as I could, then came up for air and did it again.

This wasn’t fair. I was losing everyone I cared about. Emma. Michael. Now, Neil? My family, the one I’d only just gotten, was slowly being taken from me, and I wasn’t getting a say in it at all. Worse, I couldn’t opt out of the pain the way Neil had. I didn’t want to, but even if I did, it would have been impossible. Olivia needed me, and there was no way I could jump out of her life like that.

For a long time, I’d gone along with people who said that suicide wasn’t about being selfish, but it was damned hard to see it that way when your husband was willing to strand you forever in a life you’d never wanted in the first place.

That thought made me ill. Talk about selfish, my conscience scolded me. But it was the truth, wasn’t it? If I’d wanted to be a single mom, I’d certainly had my chance three years ago. I hadn’t chosen motherhood, and now, it had chosen me. No matter how much I loved Olivia, nothing could change the past.

Maybe that was why he tried to kill himself. I sat up, wiping my sweaty hair from my face. Oh god, had that been it? He felt guilty over so many things that he couldn’t change, no matter how often I told him not to. Had he thought he’d doomed me to a life I didn’t want? That was ridiculous, and I’d told him so. But Neil wasn’t just a control freak. He was the special kind of control freak who can’t trust anybody to tell him the truth about their feelings.

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