SnowMaker by Bentzel Aaron S

Author:Bentzel, Aaron S
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Aaron S Bentzel
Published: 2021-02-09T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 10

Beneath the earth, buried under layers of solid rock, the middle of the night had an especially deep quiet to it. On the night that Mr. Gomery kissed me, that quiet was unbearable, and I battled against it with whatever tools I could find. I scraped the bottom of the can with my spoon and munched noisily on the sugared beets inside.

Through it all, Mr. Gomery slept.

I had searched through the shelves for the beets especially. I wanted something sugary and sweet, something that would make my skin warm and tingly and give a nice, soft fuzz to my thoughts – something that would make it possible to think about what had just happened without wanting to scream. I wanted all of that, but I didn’t want any more of the Austerberger. That had caused enough trouble for one night.

Over to one side, two mice nibbled at the plate of cheese we had left uneaten. They chittered and squeaked, and now and again they would turn a cautious eye up at me. But at the moment, I wasn’t thinking about wrangling mice or beating Rattlesnake Rose, or even saving Seward City. I was only thinking about one thing:

Mr. Gomery had kissed me.

The thought whispered through my head from beyond the fog of sugar and alcohol, and quick as I could I shoved another spoonful of beets into my mouth.

He kissed me, and I liked it.

I squeezed my eyes shut and chewed as hard as I could. It wasn’t working. I could still see Mr. Gomery’s eyes – dark and deep – before my own, and feel his hand on the back of my neck. It had been warm. Zee’s hands were always cold, but Mr. Gomery’s had been warm.

I shoved the spoon down into the can, and it hit the bottom. The can was empty; all that was left was a deep red sludge squashed up around the edges. When I felt the urge to put that into my mouth, too, then I knew I was in trouble. I put the can and the spoon down onto the floor and sank my head into my hands.

This couldn’t be happening. Mr. Gomery couldn’t be like this. He couldn’t be like me. He had to be the head of this family. He had to marry Ms. Vambray. Whatever his feelings were, whatever secret desires he cherished, he had to. There was no one else who could.

Even just thinking that made me feel terrible, but I kept telling myself that it wasn’t my fault. I hadn’t ordered the universe; I didn’t make these rules. Rattlesnake or no Rattlesnake, if we wanted to stay alive out here, we needed to keep Seward City together. Otherwise, the sun, thirst, and the vultures would pick us off one by one.

I lifted my head up out of my hands, rose up onto my knees, and for a few moments, I just watched Mr. Gomery’s chest rise and fall with the steady breath of sleep. The look on his face was more than peaceful – it was happy.

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