Searching for Sam by Sophie Bienvenu

Author:Sophie Bienvenu
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781772012910
Publisher: Talonbooks
Published: 2020-09-15T00:00:00+00:00

SAM ISN’T THERE WHEN I GET TO THE COUSIN’S. Not at the door, not inside. The girl is in the living room. She’s kneeling in front of the TV that’s turned off and fiddling with the Vidéotron box. Her jeans are torn on the right cheek, right above the pocket.

“Hey. You seen my dog?”

“No. Where is she?”

“That’s just it. I don’t know. I lost her.”

“You know how to fix the cable?”

“No.”

She smiles and looks at me, furrowing her brow.

“You’ve looked everywhere?”

“For the cable?”

“No, your dog.”

“Oh. Um … I don’t know.”

My voice breaks. I look up to try to dry the tears that are welling up.

“You want to go take a look around the neighbourhood in my car, to see if she’s anywhere? Anyway, the TV isn’t working.”

She grabs her car keys and says, “Let’s go, it’s going to be dark soon.”

I want to tell her to leave me alone with my pain, but she’s right that you cover more ground in a car. I just hope the girl doesn’t talk too much, and she doesn’t smoke and blow it outside, through a half-open window.

She drives stick and sings. Loud, and not real in tune. It’s that song “Titanium.” The car lurches with the bass. She lights a cigarette. The music is way too loud, and when I ask her to turn it down, she does it looking up at the sky like I’m an old fart, then she starts talking. A lot. Asking questions, actually. I answer in monosyllables. “Hmm,” “Yep,” “Nah,” shrugging. I prefer the music in the end. I look out the window, and from time to time call Sam, in case she comes out of an alley with her face all like, “Oh, thank god, you’re here! I chased a squirrel, and next thing I know, I couldn’t tell where I was.” Night is falling, and it really bothers me, but the light is fucking beautiful. I want it to be grey and the clouds to be so low that we have to duck so they don’t smack us in the face. Instead, the orange and the warmth of the sky reminds me that the world really doesn’t give a shit about me or us. That the world gets on with its life as if nothing is going on, when I lost the only thing I had left.

I look at the girl for the first time since getting in the car. I’m on the verge of shouting at her to shut her face, to leave me on the side of the road, to let me keep looking for my dog alone. I don’t understand why you’re doing all this. I’m not a fucking charity case or something to replace your date who bailed at the last minute or whatever. You’re pissing me off. Your music pisses me off, your car pisses me off, your smoke pisses me off, your questions piss me off. And by the way, you look like a dude.

I look at her, and I open my mouth to let it all out in one go.

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