My Booky Wook 2: This Time It's Personal by Russell Brand

Author:Russell Brand [Brand, Russell]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Biography & Autobiography, General, Personal Memoirs, Humor, Entertainment & Performing Arts
ISBN: 9780061958076
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2011-01-15T03:30:44.629000+00:00

Dagenham Is Not Damascus

When a football comes toward me, however, I know this precedes a moment of terrible embarrassment. I’ll either hoof it skywards, or step on it, or it’ll go between my legs. When it came toward me in this instance—although on the outside I was simply placing my sack on the ground, trying to act as nonchalant as possible—inside my head I was screaming, “Oh no, that ball is coming toward me, I’m about to be humiliated, here it comes, this is the moment of humiliation . . .”

Sure enough, I swept my foot into the ball with all my might and it skidded about eight inches in front of me. At the same instant as the man who was sprinting to receive a pass saw that he was going to have to come all the way toward me to retrieve the ball, he also noticed that I had a postbag. “Here, what are you doing watching football?” he demanded. “Why don’t you get on with your job? You fucking scab.” The other players, seeing the confrontation, soon began to join in the chorus of condemnation—“Yeah, you scab, get on with your fucking job.”

These men were striking postal workers, playing football to distract themselves from the harsh realities of industrial action, and while they were forgoing payment in a bid to improve their working conditions, I had stepped in to take their wages. I was embarrassed and frightened by my own naïveté. Th is further

reinforced my sense of not belonging to my own culture.

I was never very good at sustaining jobs—it always seemed a bit pointless, ’cos you never seemed to get the money for ages.

My mum was always on at me to get a paper round when I was younger, and I tried it for a bit, but I quickly realized that it was much easier just to throw the papers away. I had a job collecting of Britain. Apparently he’d deny himself a wee-wee to get all worked up before making a speech, then get on the podium and be all passionate and racist—bear this in mind if you ever have to speak at a wedding. Go to the loo before you start, particularly if the couple is from different racial backgrounds.

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