Holding On by A.C. Bextor

Author:A.C. Bextor
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: love, friendship, motorcycle, gangs, bikers, alpha male

Chapter Fourteen:

“My life used to be full of everything. Now if you aren't with me I haven't a thing in the world.”

--Ernest Hemingway

I’m thankful for today being the start of my workweek. Finally it is Monday, and after everything that happened this weekend I need a distraction from this aching pain in my chest.

After leaving Shame on his knees outside of the club I went home and straight to my room in attempt to expel the tears and pain that were drowning me from the inside out. I kept thinking about what Shame had said that night. He told me he did not sleep with those sluts after he walked out of the Club with them on his arms. I know I should question the validity of this, but I also know Shame and he doesn’t lie to me. His childhood was built on lies. Shame has lived his life trying to be everything his father wasn’t. He meant to hurt me and it was intentional, yes. Although that is certainly not cheating on me, I’m uncertain if the pain is unlike it, in some ways I know it is but when you love someone you want to keep them from any type of heartbreak, not be the cause it. Sure, having him sleeping with someone should be the ultimate cause of pain, but thinking about this as much as I have I still don’t know how to forgive intentional hurt.

I’m sitting at my desk at the library lost in thought when Peyton finishes talking to the detective who was waiting for us when we got here this morning. She has a huge stack of files in her arms that look like they belong to a cold case unit, there is so much dust and tearing on them.

She’s smiling big as she walks to me and throws them on my desk with her usual dramatics. “Hey Mace, we have our work cut out for us today so I hope you are ready!”

“As I will ever be.” I mean that because right now, this really is as ready as I will ever be. Peyton hasn’t questioned my continued solemn attitude yet. I only gave her a brief overview to get her to leave me alone until I adjusted to the workday. I know she doesn’t miss a beat and she’s just waiting to make her move.

“Okay, so do you want to look up information on past child abuse cases or would you prefer to work something on drug related cases?”

“Give me the drugs, I can’t handle children suffering. I’m already a walking broken heart, add children suffering and you will need life paddles to bring me back.”

“Little overdramatic for a Monday morning, but I get you. I think ‘broken heart’ resulting in sudden death is a bit of a stretch Mace, you will see him later, gees. Anyway, here you go. You just need to go through and search our records in the system, the internet, and any other archives we have.

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