Here With Me by Heidi McLaughlin

Author:Heidi McLaughlin
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Tags: Romance, military, new adult, love, war
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

CLOSING MY EYES, I rest my head on the back of the couch. The smell of Ryley’s perfume is present and comforting. All night I’ve been trying not to think about everything I’ve missed, but sitting at the dinner table with Carole and Jensen acting as if nothing has changed has made me feel split in two. A part of me is grateful that they’re not making a big deal out of it, but the other part wants to scream and yell and have them listen to every damn thing I have to say. Thing is, I know Carole will. She’ll let me pour my heart out, keep it confidential and try to do something. I’m not sure I want her to have that burden.

Seeing my son in the flesh for the first time is indescribable. I’ve missed so much, but am thankful to whoever made sure I saw him grow up through photos. When he was standing there holding Ryley’s hand, I wanted to break down and cry. I’m not ashamed to admit it. I wanted to sob like a damn baby because my chest hurt. The pain – it’s nothing like I’ve felt before. It didn’t matter that he was standing in front of me, smiling. I wanted to fall to my knees and pull him to me. I needed to feel him in my arms and know that he’s real and not a figment of my imagination or just an image on a three-by-five piece of glossy paper. Instead, I channeled the warrior in me and held it all together.

Tonight’s dinner was by far the best dinner I’ve ever had. It had nothing to do with the food, but with who was at the table. Sitting next to EJ and watching him barely eat reminded me so much of me when I was a child. Nate was always the hearty eater. Me, I wanted to be outside playing and getting dirty. I’m not sure that’s what EJ was thinking today, but food definitely was not on his agenda this evening.

I don’t know how Ryley usually handles his picky eating, but tonight she let it go. I’m willing to bet it was because I was here. The last thing I want is for EJ to be in trouble because of my presence, but I also don’t want her to waver on her parenting skills. She’s going to have to teach me her rules so I can enforce them. I never knew what it meant when people would say it take a village to raise a child, but I do now. It took four of us to explain to EJ that I’m his dad. The child in me wanted to stand up, stomp my feet and tell him that I’m his dad, his only dad and that my brother was crossing the line. But I didn’t. I couldn’t do that to EJ or Ryley. It’s not his fault and as much as I hate to admit it, I’m glad it was Nate over some random man playing daddy in my place.

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