Hate Me Like You Do by A. K. Koonce & Rebecca Grey

Author:A. K. Koonce & Rebecca Grey [Koonce, A. K. & Grey, Rebecca]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2019-09-09T16:00:00+00:00

Eighteen

Dee

Deep inside me I wish that I was sad to be leaving this school. Even if it is an upgrade from where I had been going, it’s also a nightmare. A living, breathing, nightmare that I don’t wake up from.

Today may be my last day of high school but I can always go back. I could get my GED if and when I desire. I’ll just have to try harder. It’ll just take a little longer.

It’s not the end of the world.

So why does it feel like it is?

The metal fork in my hand scrapes drearily against my lunch plate, pushing the food around without a thought of eating it. My ears fill with chatter and laughter from my peers around me. It’s still all so distant as I’m caught in my thoughts. Utensils clank against plates, glasses of tea, soda, or drinks thud against the long dining tables.

It’s so loud and there are so many people. They just aren’t anywhere near me.

I blink slowly as Damon stands from his table, his walk confident yet lazy with his friends in tow behind him. There isn’t even a small inkling of me that bothers to pay them any mind.

Just in front of me, near enough I can see and hear most of the conversation but far enough away that they don’t have to be associated with me are the boys. Landon keeps sending me those sad puppy dog eyes over Knox’s shoulder. His face is still healing from the bruises inflicted by his friend.

Reed glances back too. Long dark glares and occasionally softer, more curious ones. As if he keeps forgetting he’s supposed to hate me. I wonder if he still sees my naked silhouette from when he found me in the locker room just like I occasionally get the image of him rolling his hips into some faceless girl.

Sometimes the faceless girl is me.

It’s those moments, recently, that I want to punish myself for.

Then there’s Knox. His shoulders straight, his body constantly tense. My God, somebody get this kid a massage or something because he needs to relax. He never relaxes. Not once does he turn his head to the side or give his peripheral the opportunity to see me. The way he acts like he might be burned alive if he even recognizes I exist, is borderline offensive.

No, it is offensive. I’m offended.

Knox is like a yo-yo pulling me near then pushing me away. He has moments where he’s all in and then there are times like right now where he’s completely shut down.

I hope he’s happy with what he and the other two have done to me. Happy with what they managed to turn this school into.

A small drumming of fingers against the table brings me out of my thoughts. Damon smiles at me as he passes the table. I wave hello but it’s a slow wave, a melancholy attempt at acknowledging that somebody, anybody, did something other than be cruel to me.

Then he speaks. Outrage and shame turning my face a vibrant red the moment he speaks.

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