Down on Me (Club 24 #7) by Kimberly Knight

Author:Kimberly Knight [Knight, Kimberly]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2016-04-16T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter Nine

Spencer

My mood swings were out of control and I was starting to feel as if something was seriously wrong with me. I’d never experienced depression before, but I knew there was something more. I saw how happy Ryan was being a mother. I knew that being a mother was hard and not all new mothers were depressed.

Kyle deserved better.

He came into this world innocent, and now it was my fault that I wasn’t cut out to be a mother. On top of it, Brandon was dealing with the Michael situation which I was trying not to even think about. I didn’t leave the house anymore except to go to Kyle’s doctor appointments and I wasn’t alone. Either Ryan or Brandon came with me.

What kind of life have we subjected our child to?

In the depths of my soul, my heart ached to be a normal mother—to be happy—to wake up and not cry alone in the shower when no one was looking. The feeling wasn’t getting better, no matter if Kyle cried out of control or not, and I feared feeling unhappy would never end.

Then the rage …

When Brandon told me he was having a poker night, I wanted nothing more than to punch him in the face. It was as if a switch had been flicked and I was instantly pissed off. Normally, I would have been pissed at him for not asking me before inviting a fleet of people over to our house, but it was the feeling I felt inside that scared me. It was as if I wanted to actually hurt him. I was angry, irritable and if I had anything in my hands besides soapy water, I would have thrown it at him. I would have hit him in the head with whatever it was because I wanted to hurt him. And why? Because he wanted our old life back? He thought I needed my friends around to laugh with and have a good time?

I had the perfect husband and I was losing it. He would lay his life on the line for me and I was now a raging bitch because he wanted to have a game of poker one night. So no matter how I was feeling, I sucked it up. I cried a little because I couldn’t help it—that’s what I did these days, and then I got ready for poker night that consisted of the guys playing while the women took care of the kids.

*

Brandon was right. I needed to see my friends.

The guys played poker in the kitchen while the women were in the living room with the babies. Ben’s wife, Allison, was pregnant, and Abby and Kyle mostly slept while JJ grabbed picture frames and chewed on the remote for the TV.

I saw my future as I watched him.

I actually saw my future.

The emotional roller coaster I was on was tearing me apart because I pictured Kyle. I wanted to be in that place where he could roam and

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