Disgraced by Natasha Knight

Author:Natasha Knight [Knight, Natasha]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2017-05-21T18:30:00+00:00

13

Lina

I slept all that day and the next, waking up the following night with a gnawing hunger in my belly even though the thought of food made me nauseous. I wasn’t sure if I expected the hurt to be any less, but it wasn’t. Was it worse because he told me he loved me? Had he meant to even say it?

I threw the clothes I’d been wearing yesterday away and climbed into the shower to scrub myself, to scrub away the last of his touch, his scent. I wept as I washed, wept the loss of him. I’d known I’d lose him, though. I’d known it all along.

I just didn’t know it would hurt this badly.

After getting dressed, I made myself a cup of coffee and downed Advil with a swallow of it. My head throbbed, and my heart hurt. Every time I sat, my bruised, punished flesh reminded me of him, of what he’d done. Of what we’d done.

I stood in my apartment—no, not mine. Sergei’s. Alexi’s. I remembered what Sergei had told me, that it was bugged. If that were true, they’d have a field day with what they’d heard. But why would it be bugged? For me? It couldn’t be for Sergei. I got the impression he’d never lived here. Maybe it was for Alexi?

But all that paled in comparison as Damon’s words repeated in my head. The look on his face when he’d said them. When he’d told me he loved me.

Although it didn’t matter, did it? He loved me, but not enough. He’d walked away.

I set my coffee mug down, tears coming anew. I went into the bedroom, where the scent of us hit me like a tsunami. Like a mad woman, I tore the comforter off, then the sheets. That was when Damon’s wallet rolled onto the floor. I looked at it, remembering. He’d taken it out of his pocket to get a condom. I’d told him no, that I’d wanted to feel him inside me. I’d wanted him to come inside me. Which couldn’t have been more stupid because I wasn’t protected. I was just desperate. Maybe I’d known all along it would be our last time. That he was here to say good-bye. Whatever it was, I’d needed it, needed him like that. Needed to be that close to him.

I sat on the stripped bed and held it, held it like one held onto hope. Even though I knew I shouldn’t. That nothing would change. It couldn’t. He’d already chosen, and he hadn’t chosen me.

Setting the wallet down, I lay in the unmade bed and pulled the bare comforter over me. Tomorrow, I’d return the wallet to him. Tomorrow, I’d give back the last piece of him that I still held. Because I didn’t want to keep any part of him. I couldn’t. It hurt too badly.

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