Death and the Elephant by Raz Shaw

Author:Raz Shaw
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781783524785
Publisher: Random House
Published: 2017-11-24T05:00:00+00:00

DERELICTION OF DUTY

It can be confusing having cancer. Really confusing.

It is on your mind all the time.

Of course it is.

Why wouldn’t it be?

It would be.

It is.

But it would really help your sanity and your cluster-fuck mind clutter if you could put cancer to the back of your thoughts for just a few moments.

And now and again you can. You do.

Now and again you stop and realise that in those last brief few moments you have got on with the task in front of you and forgotten about those little bastards causing havoc inside you.

But therein lies the problem. The longer you forget about it, the harder it is to deal with when you remember it. Not only that, but you feel quite strange about forgetting. Guilty even.

As if you’ve neglected your best mate in their time of need and crisis. As if you’ve been a shit friend. You are letting down those people who expect that every waking moment of your life is about ‘battling bravely’. You are letting down those people who believe you should have 100 per cent focus on the job in hand. That job being beating cancer. Any wavering from that is a dereliction of duty. An offence you should be punished for. As if your current punishment isn’t enough!

So there you are feeling shit about forgetting that you’re feeling shit.

Like I say. It’s confusing.

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