Banjaxed by Terry Wogan

Author:Terry Wogan
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781782819851
Publisher: G2 Rights Ltd

As we used to say in Ireland when I was a lad: ‘Póg mo thóin!’ And if you think I’m going to translate that . . .

The haunted fish tank

I am, by nature, placid. Boring, even. The fiery Celtic blood that ought to course through my veins appears to have diluted. Only rarely do my eyes start from my head, and flecks of foam appear on my chiselled lips. That occurs when people say things like:

‘Put your name there. I can’t stand you myself, but it’s for my daughter.’

‘Only 2½ hours work a day, eh?

Not bad.’

‘You Irish – such wonderful talkers.’

‘Golf is basically a simple game.’

‘I never watch television, myself.’

I watch it all the time, and I don’t care who knows it. Whenever I’m in the States, I have it with my wheatybangs for breakfast. I watch television for amusement and relaxation. If any information or education happens to slip through while my brain is resting, fine. So I often refer to whatever epic I’ve been watching on the ‘haunted fish tank’ the night before. I may pass comment on Kate Jackson’s astounding acting in ‘Charlie’s Angels’, or on Petrocelli’s tardiness in building his house, a task he appears to have been at for ever, but which is still barely past the foundations. Listeners quickly riposte that even if the raunchy young lawyer does get it up, since he appears to be building it down a gulch in the middle of the New Mexico Desert, his chances of mains drainage are limited!

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