After Nothing by Rachel Mackie

Author:Rachel Mackie [Mackie, Rachel]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2016-04-18T05:00:00+00:00

I cried for hours, right through until three in the morning when I had to go to work. I went to get up but Kane, who I’d thought was asleep, told me to stay where I was and to pass him my phone.

‘What’s your boss under?’ he asked, scrolling through my contacts.

The blue light from the phone’s screen lit his face in a soft glow.

‘Thank you for coming to get me,’ I whispered.

He paused, studying my face.

‘It’ll be okay, Nat.’

He left the room when my boss answered her phone. I’m pretty sure he woke her up. He had to repeat who he was a couple times. He then moved further down the hall and I could hear the low tone of his voice, but couldn’t make out his words.

When he came back to bed his skin was cool against mine. I could feel the goosebumps on his arms when he wrapped them around me.

‘Okay?’ said Kane.

‘Yes. Thanks for calling her.’

‘You don’t thank me for anything.’

‘Yes. I’ve got to thank you for everything.’

He kissed me: first my mouth, then my forehead.

I put my index finger to his cheek.

‘I hit you.’

‘Baby, that wasn’t a hit.’

‘Don’t make out it was nothing.’

‘I ain’t. Actually, I’ve never been slapped before, but I think it was a good one. Stung like hell.’

‘I’m sorry.’

Kane cuddled me closer, and a fresh wave of grief washed over me.

When Kane’s breathing was even and his arms had relaxed around me, I moved carefully out of his hold. He stirred.

‘Nat?’

‘Just going to the bathroom.’

I leaned over and kissed his cheek and whispered for him to go back to sleep.

I stared at my reflection in the bathroom mirror for a long time. Swollen eyes and a sad tired face. When I tried to force a smile, the best I could achieve was a grimace.

‘Natalie,’ I said to my reflection.

I moved and my reflection moved.

‘I’m alive,’ I said to my own image.

I leaned closer to the mirror. ‘I’m stronger than this.’

I looked at me for a long time, and I thought of Dad, and everything he’d given me. Then I thought of what Mom had given me, and came up with nothing.

I felt my will come alive again.

I was tired and sad. But I was also defiant and angry. And determined. I wasn’t going to lie down and die for that woman just because that’s how she wanted it. I’d leave her life on my terms.

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