Why Forgive by Johann Christoph Arnold

Author:Johann Christoph Arnold [Unknown]
Language: eng
Format: epub, pdf
Tags: Stories of forgiveness and healing from the cancer of bitterness
Published: 2010-07-24T09:56:22+00:00

F O R G I V I N G I N E V E R Y D A Y L I F E

Every child wants to be recognised by his peers, and I was

no different. I desperately wanted to be accepted, and I went

out of my way to please my new classmates. At first I was

spurned, especially by the class bully. Then I began to fight

back, taunting him by talking about him behind his back

and laughing in his face when he tried to find out what I had

said. Not surprisingly, I received my share of bloody noses.

In my twenties, I dealt with more damaging feelings of

rejection, when the woman I was engaged to turned her

back on me and broke off our relationship. It was a struggle

for me to let go of my hurt feelings and forgive her, especial-

ly since I had no idea why she had ended the relationship.

Later I convinced myself that it was my fault that things had

gone wrong, because I was such an awkward misfit, and I

had to forgive myself too.

A few years later, my hopes were dashed again, when

another woman broke off our relationship after several

months. My world crashed around me as I tried to make

sense of what had happened. What had I done wrong?

That second time it took even longer to battle my emo-

tions and rebuild my confidence. But my father assured me

that in time I would find the right partner, and a few years

down the road he proved to be right.

105

W h y F o r g i v e ?

Perhaps the hardest thing about practicing forgiveness

in daily life is that it requires us to confront the reality of our

feelings toward those we know best. It is difficult enough to

forgive a stranger we might never see again, but it is much

harder to forgive a person we love and trust. Our family, our

friends, the people we feel closest to at work – they not only

know our strengths, but also our weaknesses, our frailties,

and our quirks. And when they turn on us, we are often left

reeling. At least that’s what Clare Stober, a former business-

woman who is now a member of my church, experienced:

Before leaving the advertising agency I co-owned and

moving to another state, I had to settle affairs with my

partner of ten years. This was complicated by the fact that

he and his wife had once been very close to me and had

been fellow church members for the past fifteen years.

Over time we had grown apart, and I felt I could no longer

continue working with them.

None of our advisors wanted to tell me how best to di-

vide our assets equitably. I wanted to go beyond just being

fair – I wanted nothing weighing on my conscience – so I

made a proposal to that effect. I thought it was a very gen-

erous distribution. But my partner saw the whole thing

differently and stopped talking to me the day I told him

of my desire to leave the business. Unfortunately, it was

two more months before I felt my tasks were sufficiently

handed over, and the transition was long, silent, lonely,

and punctuated by angry words.

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