Perfect Match by Alexis Alvarez

Author:Alexis Alvarez [Alvarez, Alexis]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: novel
Publisher: Alexis Alvarez
Published: 2017-11-05T16:00:00+00:00

“Oh. You did?” She flushed bright red.

“Yes. I herd them. Get it? See, I can do it too.”

“Oh!”

“Yes.” He leaned in and whispered. “And you’re right, the food here is terrible. If you want, there’s a calf-eteria around the block called Big Baby, and it has the best damn burgers in this entire city.”

“Haha! Dylan. He made a cow joke!”

“Yes, I was there.” Dylan nodded.

“Do people really like the tapenade?” Fia needed to know.

“Well, it made L.A.’s best food list twice in a row. I think it’s because Benedict Cumberbatch eats here when he’s in town and raves about it. But when he comes, truth, he doesn’t even eat it. I think he just likes to say tapenade with his accent. Taaaapenaaaaahd.”

“That’s amazing.”

“You should probably never come here again.” The waiter nodded.

“But how can you say these things? You could be fired!” Fia giggled. “I mean, what if we told someone? Not that we will. We like you. I love you! But someone might.”

“Oh, really?” The waiter gave her a look. “My manager is never here, and when she is, she’s listening to New Age music and meditating on a crystal vibration plateau. Trust me, she’s not likely to fire me. I’m her best waiter right now. Also, I’m probably quitting soon.”

“And do what?”

“Anything I want.” The waiter smiled. “Someday I’ll be in movies. It’s a big world. Why get locked into something you don’t love, just because you’ve been doing it for so long? I mean, I stay here long enough, I’ll turn into Skylight Blueberry Turnover—that’s my manager, and be putting crystal dildos into my vagina…well, if I had a vagina. I know this because she talks about it on the phone in the kitchen. Healing properties, especially the quartz blue one.”

“I had no idea.”

“I’m thinking of starting a motivational talk for kids called Why To Stay In School. I have lots of material.”

“So Big Baby? It’s good?”

“The best. Oh, I should add, full disclosure, that I work there Tuesdays, Wednesdays and every other Thursday. Cheers!” He put the black check holder onto the table and sauntered off.

“Wow. That was unique.” Fia watched him go. “He’s so…interesting.”

“And so young! What is he, like twenty?” Dylan watched, too. “I like his attitude. That’s pretty boss. Anything I want. Kid has that figured out already. Pretty fucking smart.”

“For sure.” Fia nodded. “I wish I had that kind of confidence.”

“Well, he might also be high. Did you see his pupils? So there’s that.”

“True. True. But still.” She reached for her purse. “It’s only fair that we should split the bill for this disaster of a culinary experience so nobody has nightmares. You know, share the wealth.”

“No, please, my treat. I insist.” He rolled his eyes and stuck a sheaf of bills into the pocket. “You can get dessert.”

“Deal.” She let go of her purse, her mind wandering to dessert. Whipped cream on his stomach. Cherries on her nipples. She put a hand to her mouth.

He was watching her, a small smile on his face.

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