Needle Too by Craig Goodman

Author:Craig Goodman [Goodman, Craig]
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Published: 2014-07-13T12:00:00+00:00

23

In April, Amy finally agreed to bring Savannah to the Cape for a visit. Before she arrived, however, I spent three hours cleaning and baby-proofing an apartment that was littered with toys, coloring books and magic markers left behind by Kristen’s five-year-old twins, Jeremy and Zach. Indeed, I could leave nothing to chance as earlier that morning I could tell by the tone of Amy’s voice she’d be looking to find fault with something.

Savannah and Amy arrived at the apartment by 1 p.m. and the moment they did, Amy looked at my roommate suspiciously. I’m not sure why that was the case because, not that it should’ve mattered, she knew the nature of the platonic relationship I shared with Kristen and besides, we agreed long ago to raise Savannah separately, realizing that although it was an unconventional arrangement it would be the healthiest arrangement.

After visiting for a half-hour and then giving the spotless apartment an inspection of sorts, Amy left to visit family in Fort Myers. Then, after about an hour of fussing over Savannah, Kristen suddenly picked her up, brought her into the master bedroom and laid her down on the king-sized bed as the most putrid smell in the world began to attack me from every direction.

“WOW—she is really cute, Craig,” Kristen said. “And she shits like my ex-husband.”

“Does he wear Pampers also?” I asked my fantastic friend as she showed me how to change a diaper.

“No, but he acts like a fucking two-year-old,” she said as she suddenly covered her mouth to prevent anymore R-rated verbiage from slipping away.

At that point Savannah rolled over on the bed and smiled.

“Hooray, Savannah—that’s great!!” rejoiced Kristen as she applauded. “Craig! What’s wrong with you? Act excited, you idiot!”

“What for?”

“Because she just turned and rolled all the way to the other side of the mattress!”

“Big fucking deal. I did that in bed every night with her mother.”

“And stop cursing. Before you know it she’s gonna be repeating everything you say.”

After celebrating Savannah’s pooping and rolling, we brought her into the boys’ bedroom to do some army crawling on the thickly carpeted floor while she tried to put everything in her mouth. Then, suddenly, there was a loud and almost violent pounding on the front door.

“What’s wrong with you?!” Amy screamed at me the moment I turned the knob.

“What’s wrong with you?!”

“Why was the door locked?!” she demanded as she barged in.

“Because that’s what it fucking does! There are usually two little babies running around here and we’d rather them not stumble out on to the street and get flattened by a fucking truck! Is that okay with you, Amy?”

“Where’s my daughter?!” she demanded again.

“She’s in the bedroom with Kristen.”

“Oh, that’s just wonderful!”

“What’s your problem?!”

“Don’t worry about it!” she said as she stormed into the boys’ bedroom, grabbed Savannah and then stormed out of the apartment.

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