Echoes of Love by N. Christine Samuelson

Author:N. Christine Samuelson [Samuelson, N. Christine]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: BookBaby
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 11

Cody sat at the kitchen table clutching his head, covering his ears to stop the ringing of distant screams echoing through his memory. Their grief was so palpable, he questioned his sanity with feeling the lingering death of a loved one by his hand, with knowing he’d live a hell on earth. His life had played out like this—with death, guilt and punishment. It hadn’t been his choice, but more his destiny, more like he’d been born deserving all of his current pain for whatever reasons came before him, before this time and place of living.

****

His words to Carson minutes before, “I am a murderer, and I don’t want to hurt you!” had shocked Carson to her core, but instinct told her they weren’t quite true, at least not to the degree he believed.

Cody turned to her, her presence calming after releasing his fury at himself. “Carson, I’m so sorry, I …” He couldn’t finish the sentence or explain what he’d just hurled at her.

“I don’t believe you,” Carson said. “You’re not telling me the whole story. You are not a murderer, not even close.”

“Most women would fly out the door right now, scared to death. But you sit here, still believing I’m a good man. Your eyes show empathy and caring. How can you?”

“Intuition. Knowing. Whatever happened, I’ll never believe you’re a murderer because you’re not capable of it.”

Cody thought for several minutes, the room so still the truth rose above the silence and he couldn’t deny her words. “You’re only partly right, a very small part. I didn’t commit murder on purpose, but I am a murderer because of my actions …” Ashamed, he covered his face with his hands.

Carson leaned forward and rubbed his arm with affection. “Tell me what happened. I’ll understand, I promise.”

He moaned, his grief spilling into the room. “My actions killed her. I brought about an unnecessary death, her death, and because of me she’s dead. It’s all the same thing.”

“Whose death?”

Cody pressed his hands over his eyes, holding back tears, unable to answer. “I can’t. I can’t do this, talk of her death especially with how much I loved her.”

Carson felt stunned as if a lightning bolt struck nearby catapulting her back through time, and she experienced his guilt over her own death. For a split-second she had the experience of dying because of him, but in that same moment she’d forgiven and loved him. The shock of that memory, and seeing him in agony sitting across from her, snapped her into the present and she knew who he was talking about. “Oh no, not her. You don’t mean your wife, do you?”

“Yes, damn it! My wife, Eileen, is dead because of me.” Unable to hold back a floodgate of anguish, his tears grew into sobs.

Carson walked around to kneel beside him and pulled him into her arms, held him and kissed the top of his head. Having no resistance left, he let her. She rocked him back and forth, not asking any more questions while he cried into his nightmare.

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