Business Secrets from the Stars by David Dvorkin

Author:David Dvorkin
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: publishing, authors, politics, satire, assassination, monkey, bush baby, bush presidency, psychics

* * * * *

In the meantime, two old guys were wandering around Portland, Maine religiously offing men named Malcolm.

P. P. Something beginning with P.

* * * * *

The Longlegs presidency drifted along.

A reporter got wind of the existence of Daddy’s mistress and tried to dig up all the juicy details. The reporter was abducted by aliens. The mistress was sold to Longlegs family business partners in the Middle East.

The three brothers never stopped looking like miniature apes, but as the years passed they became increasingly human in the ways that counted.

Jabber never lost the gift of the gab. He went into business, specializing in crooked deals, underhanded negotiations, and skimming millions from the government. In this, he was of course no different from countless businessmen with parents who were outwardly human. And that was fine with him. Unlike his two simian siblings, he had no wish to stand out. All he wanted to do was get disgustingly rich, and if he managed to destroy some companies and lives along the way, that was just icing on the cake.

Jibber and Jebber both went into politics, gladdening Daddy’s heart. Carefully guided every day by legions of Daddy’s family retainers, the two monkeyboys did well. In time, both were elected governors of large states.

Jebber had never lost the habit of covering up his face and then spreading his fingers and peeking out. The voters in his state were enchanted by the gesture. It reassured them that he could quite literally see no evil. That seemed a good reason to vote for him.

Jibber had kept up his habit of gibbering meaninglessly. The voters in his state were convinced that it must all mean something, and so they voted for him. Besides, he was such a cute little monkey.

This was all occasionally disheartening to the more intelligent and worthy human beings both brothers had defeated, but they kept reminding themselves that “democracy” derives ultimately from an ancient word which means “rule by fools.”

Occasionally, the three brothers still gathered at the family estate to pick lice out of each other’s hair. Photographers were not allowed on the property at such times.

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