All of Him by Kat Connell

Author:Kat Connell [Connell, Kat]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: contemporary romance
Publisher: Kat Connell
Published: 2023-04-10T16:00:00+00:00

“What are you going to do?” Teel asked, sipping her whiskey on the rocks.

I’d asked her to grab a drink with me the next night, hoping she’d have some insight. Even though Noah and I had discussed our status—more times than necessary—I was starting to have honest feelings for him, and neither of us wanted a relationship.

“I don’t know,” I responded. “I’ve had crushes before, but I have never felt like I wanted to be something to someone. I want to help him through his issues, which is something a friend would do, I guess …”

“But,” Teel cut me off, “he’s always on your mind.”

“He’s always there,” I corrected her. “He’s at work, he’s working on the house with me, and he’s my only friend outside of you and Delia. He’s just everywhere. But it still feels like not enough.”

“You’re falling for Noah,” Teel said matter-of-factly. “It’s pretty obvious. You just need to keep it on the down-low. It doesn’t sound like he’s interested, and it doesn’t seem like you want a relationship.”

“I don’t,” I agreed. “I want everything with him that has to do with a relationship, except the relationship itself.”

Teel tilted her head curiously.

“You know I’m afraid of commitment. This should not be news to you.”

“I suspected”—she shrugged, treading carefully—“but I never thought you’d admit it.”

I sat back, defeated. An image of Noah in those pajama pants flashed in my mind, and I groaned, frustrated.

“Even if I wasn’t afraid of dating Noah,” I started, “and even if he felt the same way for me, it wouldn’t be as simple as it is for other people. He’s got deep-seated issues that I still haven’t gotten to the bottom of yet. And as much as I care about him, I shouldn’t be taking a leap with something I’m already afraid of, with someone who hasn’t told me everything.”

“Why do you think he hasn’t told you everything?” Teel pressed, stirring the ice in her drink.

I shook my head, concentrating on the odd shadows that ran along the bar floor. Something about Noah, even with all he’d shared with me, still seemed closed off. It wasn’t just a defense mechanism; it was like something that I wasn’t aware of was always on his mind, something darker than I cared to imagine.

“I’m probably just crazy,” I lied, knowing I couldn’t share with her anything regarding his mental health. “But I really don’t know how to stop this. I think I might need space from him even though that’s the last thing I want.”

“Take a Saturday off from helping him,” she suggested. “Tell him you need to help me with wedding stuff. He’ll understand.”

“But,” I started, knowing my argument was futile, “I’ll miss him.”

Teel downed her drink and pointed at me accusingly.

“That’s my point. You need to back off of him right now if that feeling is strengthening. I would love to see the two of you together someday, but even you can admit that it’s not good timing. Feel it out longer. I know you, Amanda.

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