2007-Eleven by Frank Cammuso

Author:Frank Cammuso [Cammuso, Frank]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-375-50591-1
Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
Published: 2000-05-26T16:00:00+00:00

Pork Fiction

THE STRAW HOUSE

Look, all I’m saying is thatched roofs, for fuel efficiency, consistently outperform gingerbread. The foliage traps heat in winter and cools you down in summer. In Bimini, you see this stuff everywhere.

Gimmie a break. This place looks like a dead Chia Pet. Man, this pig is living in a Mother Goosin’ haystack.

Hey, he’s a pig. Whaddaya expect? Aluminum siding? You ever eat pig?

Negativo. I don’t do swine.

C’mon—bacon? You don’t like bacon?

Imitation bacon bits, sometimes. Way I see it, a wolf lowers himself by eating hog. Me, I’m partial to poultry.

Hey, did he say there’s three of them? You think we need shotguns?

C’mon, man. We’re wolves. They’re pigs. What’re they gonna do? Whip us with their curly tails? By the way, you hear about Harry? Word has it Woodsman chopped off his head over that Red Riding Hood situation. They say he ate her gramma and was eyeballing her in the bedroom, but then this guy runs in, swinging his ax and screaming like Chicken frickin’ Little. Whacked the brother’s head clean off. Now, I ask you, is that right?

Way I heard it, the dude was camped in gramma’s bed, wearing gramma’s Playtex living girdle. I mean, a wolf ain’t supposed to do that.

You saying it’s OK to go Jayne Mansfield on a brother simply because he’s between gramma’s sheets, wearing gramma’s unmentionables? That what you’re saying?

Look, I’m saying I agree that Woodsman overreacted, but Harry should’ve known better. Eat your meal, but don’t play with your food. That’s all.

Interesting point. OK, it’s time. Let’s get in character.

Knock knock.

Little pig, little pig … THE PATH OF THE RIGHTEOUS MAN …

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