What Should I Say, What Can I Do? by Rebecca Bram Feldbaum

Author:Rebecca Bram Feldbaum
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Pocket Books

What to Say/What Not to Say

It is often hard to find the right words to say to a person who has suffered a loss, but it can be done. By offering him your heartfelt consolatory words or recounting a heartwarming story about the deceased, you can change the bereaved’s whole outlook that day.

The following is a list of phrases intended to guide you on how to interact with someone who has lost a beloved spouse. (Many of the phrases can also be used for a person who lost a child, parent, sibling, or someone else she was extremely close with.)

“I was very sorry to hear about your loss.”

No other words are necessary because this one sentence conveys your personal sadness.

“Even though I didn’t know your wife/husband, I heard such wonderful things about her/him from other people.”

This is sure to bring a grateful smile to a widow’s lips, especially if you can also impart some stories you’ve heard about the deceased.

“I hope it’s some comfort for you to know how highly she/he was regarded by all who knew her/him.”

Knowing that the person died with such a sterling reputation is a great solace to the family.

“You lost your wife/husband and we lost a close friend. The losses can’t be compared, but we also miss her/him very much.”

This statement bonds the friends together in their grief and makes the widow/er not feel so alone in her grief.

“What I remember most about her/him was...”

Widow/ers enjoy hearing your special recollections.

“Do not think for one moment that anyone at the (wedding, graduation, anniversary party, etc.) will forget who won’t be here with us.”

Knowing that your thoughts are on the same wavelength gives the widow a tremendous sense of strength and comfort when she attends the event. (If possible, this should be said before the event and not at the actual affair.)

“I can already see that your children are turning out to be such nice young women/men, like their mother/father.”

Comparing their children to a beloved deceased parent is the ultimate praise for the spouse and the children.

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