The Varnished Untruth by Stephenson Pamela

Author:Stephenson, Pamela [Stephenson, Pamela]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi, azw3
ISBN: 9781849839242
Publisher: Simon & Schuster UK
Published: 2012-09-12T16:00:00+00:00

My TV Show Diary

First day’s rehearsal:

Miners’ routine. I’m working with Hot Gossip so looking round at immaculate bodies. Ugh. Comparing sizes. I do feel silly. And fat. Taps shoes too tight. Later, I am obsessed with thoughts of food. Suddenly all sense of the importance of competing with the nymphets has disappeared. What I want is an apple strudel. No, scones with jam and cream. Maybe even . . . I spy a packet of oatcakes and scour the writing on the back to ascertain the calorie content. 100 g yields? One biscuit therefore . . . I’m too hungry to do sums. Cake decorations. Dreams of riding through marshmallow on a banana split.

First day’s filming:

Woke at 6am and dragged myself across London to the health club where we are filming. Cold in cellar. Lots of gawkers. I do feel silly. And someone stole my knickers from the dressing room! Worst thing? Not being finished and having to diet for another week. So – no binge-up tonight.

Day Two:

I spent the morning in bed with Michael Parkinson. He was a great sport about it. Lying there, getting soaked by twenty gallons of freezing water which spurted from the mattress on a given cue. We corpsed quite a lot during the rehearsal – probably releasing nervous tension. It wasn’t that it was embarassing exactly, it’s just that, well, what do you say to a famous person you scarcely know who happens to be in bed with you in full view of a large crowd of onlookers? Love to the wife?

Day Three:

Spoof tampon commercial. Diet again. White swimsuit. Extras all younger, attractive. Press photographers turn up. Freezing pool, gawkers. Next day, front page – reported as ‘Sexy Swim’.

Day Four:

Wonder Woman sketch, then Shirley Williams sketch on street. Hundreds of onlookers. Loads of people wanting to meet me but disappointed to meet only ‘the face that wrecked Brixton’. But I remember meeting Shirley Williams and very charming she was too. Someone says, ‘It’s that awful woman from the SDP.’ A barrow guy: ‘No it ain’t. It’s Billy Connolly’s bird!’ Cringe cringe.

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