The Tin Box by Kim Fielding

Author:Kim Fielding
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Publisher: Dreamspinner Press
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

William took a sip of his coffee. Although it had grown cold, it tasted better than the bile at the back of his throat. He sat on his couch—the same couch he’d shared with Colby the previous night—with the closed tin box nestled on his lap.

He had been denying his sexuality, even well into adulthood when the sanctions he faced would be relatively minimal. How could he possibly have denied what he was, especially when Bill had endured so much just for being in love?

How could he continue to hide his true self?

His cell phone lay on the table beside him, mute. There was something accusatory about the little chunk of glass and plastic.

Jeez, he was anthropomorphizing his gadgets. Maybe he was going nuts now.

He picked up the phone, opened his contacts, and pressed a name. The phone on the other end rang three times before being picked up.

“Hello? Lyon residence.”

“Hi, Mom.”

“William!” Her voice betrayed surprise, but William couldn’t tell if it was pleasure or alarm. “Is something wrong?”

“No. Nothing’s wrong.”

“Have you reconsidered the divorce? I spoke with Lisa the other day and she sounds very lonely. She’s a lovely woman. She keeps telling me you’re divorcing because you have different goals. What does that mean?”

“I’m not reconsidering.”

His mother clucked with disappointment. “If the two of you would only try counseling. Our church does that, you know. Pastor Saenz even runs couples retreats. Now, your father says those retreats are claptrap, but I think they sound nice. They’re held near Lake Tahoe, I believe.”

“Mom. Lisa and I are over.”

This time she sighed. “Young people today expect everything to be perfect all the time. It isn’t. It never is. We have to make sacrifices. But if we work very hard at it and pray hard too, the Lord will lead us down the right path. He never fails us, William.”

William squeezed his eyes shut. His parents knew he’d lost his faith long ago, but they kept hoping he’d return like a lost sheep to the fold. Their own personal Prodigal Son. Sometimes his mother mailed him church flyers, and every birthday she sent a card full of Bible verses and promises to pray for him. He’d given up arguing about it; there didn’t seem to be much point.

The tin box felt very heavy in his lap.

“Mom, I need you to listen.” He spoke slowly, as he might to a small child. “I am not going to get back together with Lisa. Counseling and prayers and trips to the mountains won’t help. I don’t love her the way I need to. I’m gay, Mom. I’m attracted to men.”

There was a heavy silence. He knew she hadn’t hung up, so he waited. Finally, in a strained voice, she spoke. “We’ve discussed this, William. You can move away from this lifestyle. There are organizations—”

“That’s bullshit.” She probably gasped at his profanity, but he continued. “The American Psychological Association and everyone who knows a damn thing about psychology, they all say you can’t cure homosexuality. It’s who I am, Mom.

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