Memorizing You by Dan Skinner

Author:Dan Skinner
Language: eng
Format: azw3, epub, mobi
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

My sophomore year was like the very first time in my life that I believed I was coming together as a person. A definable person. What they termed “finding yourself.” They say to be sure of that, you must be able to close your eyes and have a very clear vision of yourself. Be able to see yourself from head to toe, and to know yourself internally. I was so much closer to that than a year ago. I wasn’t trying to be what others expected.

I wasn’t trying to reshape myself to be something that conformed. That year, I came back different. Stronger, more self-assured. I looked different. Thanks to the influence of Judy and her friends, and thanks to Rosemary, who actually gave me a coordinated fashion sense that didn’t look like it had been put together at a Goodwill.

It was the first year that people began to notice me. At first, I’d thought it had been my imagination. Mostly because no one had ever paid attention to me before. So when I caught the first couple of eyes on me, I was sure they were either looking at someone else, or my fly was undone. By the fourth time, I quit checking my fly. I began checking the mirror. I had made some major changes physically as well. Besides the new hairstyle, I’d filled out. The workouts, the protein shakes, and the tan had remodeled me.

My shoulders looked broad and sculpted. I had a chest now, and arms that were no longer spindly. My biceps filled my shirt. My legs were thicker, and I had an ass that I could show off in a pair of jeans.

Girls smiled at me in the hallway, and guys checked me out when I was changing in the gym’s locker room. Oh, not in the way I would check out guys undressing. They were checking me out in comparison. The way guys look at bodybuilding books, dreaming of the way they’d like to look. By the middle of the school year, I had girls from every class asking me out on dates. Thankfully, Rosemary was there to make them think I was already romantically engaged. It was all very new and flattering. Rosemary found it entertaining.

We had no more difficulty with Connor. He kept his distance from both of us. He barely talked to Ryan during practice or the games. His other teammates put it down to rivalry.

I had my first taste of hero worship: a young bag-boy at the Tomboy Supermarket. Every time I came in to shop, he’d follow me through the aisles like a trained puppy. He’d stare without blinking as he bagged my groceries. And I’d catch him doing the sideward turn, pay-no-attention-as-I-rearrange-my-crotch move. His reaction was always more extreme if I wore shorts and a tank. I could only imagine what fantasies he used me for, late at night, under his sheets. It’s what I called an ego-tickler.

But my biggest change during my sophomore year was that I was madly, head-over-heels in love.

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