The Social Skills Guidebook by Chris MacLeod

Author:Chris MacLeod
Language: eng
Format: mobi, pdf
Tags: Overcoming shyness and social awkwardness, Self-help
Published: 2016-01-18T23:00:00+00:00

How to handle loud, lively group conversations

Many people don’t have too much trouble with calm, orderly group conversations where everyone sticks to a topic, lets others finish their points, and listens respectfully. Shy, reserved types usually find group conversations more difficult and irritating when they get more hectic—when everyone is excited and trying to talk over one another, the topic keeps changing, and the overall vibe becomes more immature and show-off-ish. Your approach to these conversations should be a mix of accepting and adapting to them for what they are, while doing what little you can to try to turn their intensity down.

Accept these types of conversations for what they are and what they aren’t

What sometimes bothers people about chaotic, boisterous group conversations is that they feel they could have been something else—polite, intellectual, easy-to-follow, courteous—but they aren’t. By nature they’re loud, scattered, inconsiderate, and “dog eat dog.” They’re for laughs, spirited debate, and enjoying the company and essence of all your friends at once. Aspects of them are an acquired taste. Being in the middle of all that noise and chaos can be energizing, and you may get a cheap thrill when trying to hold your own in it.

Try your best to tolerate the inherent annoyances of the situation

Hectic group conversations can create a maddening din as everyone talks at once. If the group is big enough, there may be several subdiscussions, and it can be confusing and overwhelming to try to follow them all. One or more people may be derailing every tangent with idiotic jokes. It’s easy to become annoyed and exasperated, then give up and shut down. Do your best to put up with all the noise and stimulation so you can get what you can out of the interaction. It may be frustrating to try to keep your focus, but with time, you can improve your ability to follow along.

Realize if you want to get speaking time, you’ll have to grab it for yourself

These conversations are more “every man for himself.” They’re not purposely heartless; it’s just that everyone is excited and wants to talk, and they’d rather it be them than you. Waiting patiently for the others to recognize that you have something to say usually won’t work. You have to treat these interactions like a game and find ways to get your fair share of the spotlight.

Below are some ways to become the speaker. All of these behaviors are more acceptable in wild group conversations than in standard day-to-day group conversations. You can still go overboard, but if you don’t do them too obnoxiously, no one takes these behaviors too personally.

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