The Only Way Out is Through by Gail Gross

Author:Gail Gross [Gross, Gail]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Rowman & Littlefield Publishers
Published: 2017-11-22T05:00:00+00:00

Chapter Four

Inner Work

The Power of Creating Rituals after the Loss of a Loved One

The holidays can be a challenging time for those dealing with the loss of a loved one, but studies show that more people may actually come face to face with the full difficulties of the grieving process in January, postholiday season. It is during this time, after friends and family have gone back to their daily routines and we are left to go back to ours, that we find ourselves with more time to pause, reflect, and engage in the process of grieving which we may not have allowed ourselves during the holidays.

But how can you go back to your “normal” routine when, in fact, all is not normal? This is where creating a new normal, new routine, and a new ritual can help you through the process.

Creating Rituals to Help Process Death

In almost all cultures, there is some ritual, whether conscious or unconscious, that signals the end of a transition such as death. These passage rituals give us a formal structure in which we have permission to experience what it is to be alone, in some form of contemplation.

The religious among us already have a sacred space in which to find spiritual solace, for example, the Catholic daily prayer of the Consecration to Mary. On the other hand, for those without any religious inclination, contemplation or recitation of the Serenity Prayer, or John Whittier’s “Forgiveness” poem, in a daily practice, will do.

The idea of a contemplative practice compels us, each day, to remember that our loved one has died. Along with that knowledge ultimately comes acceptance. Furthermore, there is a sense that we can still do something for the Soul of our loved one, even after death, by supporting his or her Soul’s journey into the next stage of life. It is in your quiet moments of prayer, dreams, and contemplation that you can find the space to meet your loved one and say goodbye.

The Valley of Despair

Now, the hard work in what I call the Valley of Despair is to discover what is meaningful to you, in your life, and to reclaim it. More primitive cultures called this stage Soul retrieval. This process takes time, contemplative time, and quiet time; time just to be and do nothing. This is central to the second phase of grieving: allowing yourself the time to grieve.

No one can help you here, not even your mate. You must depend upon your own resource for, in reality, it is that resource that will bring you back to life. The essential self, given time, can reconnect and guide you back up out of the descent. All of us have this resource, but it can only be reached through contemplation, meditation, and prayer.

Journaling the Journey

The second ritual that allows you to return to your source for rest, restoration, regeneration, and healing is to keep a journal or diary of your most intimate thoughts and feelings.

In this way, you can take the time to check in with the deepest parts of yourself.

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