The Lost Art of Connecting by Susan McPherson

Author:Susan McPherson
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: McGraw-Hill Education
Published: 2021-06-15T00:00:00+00:00

HELP TO DISSOLVE FEAR OF FAILURE

As human beings we all have insecurities that lead to a fear of being judged. When it comes to connecting—or doing anything, really—imagining all the ways that we can fail can cause us to want to quit before we’ve even started. And this is another way how the helping mindset takes the edge off. When people act out of fear or feel nervous that other people are judging them—when they think, “Oh my God, what if it doesn’t work?”—they might freeze or give up and quit, and that prohibits people from taking risks. However, when you become a convener, the risk lessens. When your goal is helping, failure isn’t really an option. Even if you’ve helped a little—that is a win. When Danziger started DailyLit, a digital publisher, the traditional publishers weren’t going digital yet. And at the time she was thinking: How do I figure out a way to land my first customer? Instead of giving up, she took initiative and created Publishing Point, where she would convene gatherings once a month, invite a speaker, and open it up to those working in publishing. She launched a Meetup and started securing incredible speakers: company CEOs and professionals from every major trade house, the founder of FourSquare, the founder of Twitter, and others commanding influence. Doing this gave her a seat at the table. Remember what we learned in the Gather section? When you’re the host, you can bring the people you want to your table in a much less threatening way, and it can create tremendous value for all in a way that offers help, kindness, and genuine support.

But wait—can’t being a giver put you in a position to be a doormat? If executed poorly couldn’t you possibly get taken advantage of? Where is the line between giving too much versus too little? Adam Grant says that being a giver doesn’t mean saying yes to every request. Instead, he proposes, it means setting boundaries around who, when, and how you help. The who is about setting boundaries with takers—if someone has a history or reputation of selfish behavior, you’re not obligated to help. If you give to people who tend to be generous or fair, you avoid rewarding the wrong behavior and invest in spreading norms of generosity. The when is about setting boundaries with time. Failed givers drop everything whenever they get a request; successful givers block out time for their own goals and for self-care. The how is about setting boundaries with the types of help you give. The idea is to be what he calls a “generosity specialist”: help in ways that energize you rather than exhaust you, and in situations where you can add unique value. He also recommends what he calls “the five-minute favor,” which are high-benefit, low-cost giving favors such as sharing knowledge and making introductions. It makes his day when he’s able to share ideas and evidence in the realm of work and psychology or connect people who benefit from knowing one another.

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