The Fiche Room by Suzie Carr

Author:Suzie Carr [Carr, Suzie]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Sunny Bee Books
Published: 2011-02-14T05:00:00+00:00

Chapter 10

Colin arranged a meeting with our new realtor for that afternoon. He insisted we purchase a house instead of throwing any more money away on renting. He would purchase it in his name so we could purchase investment properties in my name down the road. He always planned ahead. The last thing I wanted to think about was house-hunting with my fiancé.

In less than five months, we’d be married. Yet, all I could think about was the cute way Haley’s lips curled when she smiled, the way her eyes twinkled when something excited her, the way she tilted her head back when she laughed.

I wondered what everyone would think if they discovered I had feelings for a woman. I doubted they’d ever understand.

Goldie might irrationally go back in time and try to assess my actions towards her. She would try to figure out if I had ever showed signs of attraction towards her when we did things together. She would think back to the times we went bathing suit shopping or sunbathed topless on her rooftop. She would freak out wondering if I, her oldest and closest friend, was really a pervert wanting to grab hold of her boobs. She was like a sister to me – a little older, wiser, and too hard-nosed to ever find sexy. She would be more freaked out than understanding. Our friendship would change. She would probably be afraid to leave me alone with Tatiana for fear I’d turn her into a lesbian.

My dad would be the biggest obstacle. He’d never approve. How would I ever tell him? I couldn’t handle the disappointment he would feel for me. He couldn’t stand my working in a fiche room; what would he ever think about me being gay? Nope, I could never tell him. How could I ever really be happy with someone like Haley if the most important person in my life would never be able to share in that happiness?

And Colin. The enormity of my confession would devastate him. He wouldn’t be able to get past the fact that I found someone else more sexually stimulating than him, someone he’d never be able to compete with. He would walk away. And away with him would go my chance at a normal, socially-respected life—the life where I could walk down the street on the arm of a man I could be proud of. The man my dad approved of. The man that I’d no longer be able to introduce as my fiancé and have people’s obvious approval and recognition that yes, this was the man they pictured a girl like me with—strong, confident, masculine. Gone would be the potential dad that would play baseball in the backyard with our sons and hold the limousine door open for our daughter on their way to the father-daughter dances. Gone would be the man that would dance to “Daddy’s Little Girl” at our daughter’s wedding and a few years later, the favorite granddaddy, sneaking candy and reading stories to a small audience of his grandchildren by the fire.

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