Surviving Myself by Dina Pestonji

Author:Dina Pestonji
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Publisher: Tellwell Talent
Published: 2018-07-09T19:17:20+00:00

58

March 2012

When I first moved to Napa, I didn’t know anyone except the CEO and the new staff we hired, so I joined different “meet-up” groups to try new things and meet like-minded people.

My first “meet-up” was a one-day white water rafting trip. I felt a little nervous getting into this all by myself, but I met some amazing women right off the bat. Many had also just recently moved to San Francisco (and surrounding areas), were single, driven, had a sense of adventure and wanted to meet new people.

I make some great new friends on the trip, including Christine. We are both into food, activity and travel. We love exploring and we spend most weekends together hiking, biking, trying new restaurants, and discussing topics ranging from career, men, politics, world affairs and what we want in life. I cherish these types of meaningful relationships where I can speak my mind and know that the other person can see my point of view. It’s stimulating and I feel like I grow in many areas including intellectually, physically, and emotionally.

Herein lies a major conflict. During the week, I work and live in Napa. My social life is minimal to nonexistent. I don’t enjoy going to the bar every evening with colleagues and it seems like that is all they do. I don’t care to hear “when I was drunk” stories night after night. I also find it very hard to relate to my colleagues. Many have never travelled beyond California, are not very educated, and lead very simple lives.

I realize I’m not meant to live in a small town but I’m unsure what to do. I enjoy my career and I love working for a visionary like Rowan, but I want to have a social life and have fun! I’m 28! I feel the life is being sucked out of me.

I never thought I’d feel this way, but I don’t want my career to be my entire life. Money and climbing the ladder is not everything anymore.

I’m tired of being on my own. I’m tired of proving to myself that I can be successful career wise. I’m tired of taking care of myself, not leaning on anyone for support and not really allowing anyone to enter my life or get close to me. I’m tired of coming home to no one.

It would be nice to come home to someone who I respect, can be silly and laugh with, celebrate the little daily moments with, someone who makes me feel safe, allows me to be vulnerable and wants to take care of me. I would love to meet my “partner in crime.” I’m done proving to myself that I am an independent woman. I’m even growing a little tired of travelling! Staying put in a place that feels like “home” sounds pretty good.

Last week I brought up the idea to Rowan of moving to San Francisco and coming to Napa once a week. He flat-out said “No.”

Later that day, I call Daddy. It’s been a while since I’ve asked for advice from my parents.

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