Submission by Kit Kyndall

Author:Kit Kyndall
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Amourisa Press

Chapter 11

She blinked at his dramatic statement. Her first instinct was to dismiss it as overly emotional, but seeing his serious expression, coupled with remembering how creepy she found Rafe, convinced her. “How?” Sable asked softly.

“Monahan is a sadist, pure and simple. He doesn’t care about his sub or slave. They’re only a toy to him, to be used and discarded for his pleasure. Lindsay managed to escape from him, and she came to me. I helped her while she recovered physically, but there was no way she could recover emotionally.” Perhaps unconsciously, he had tightened his hold on her leg until it was almost painful, and he squeezed again. “She moved away and went into counseling. She chose to deny her submissive side because he made her too afraid of the lifestyle.”

Gently, she patted his hand while simultaneously loosening it from her leg to fold into hers. “Is she why you help provide shelters for abused subs?”

He nodded. “I didn’t know how to help her. In the long run, if I had known more, she might have survived the experience completely intact.”

She squeezed his hand again. “Or maybe not. Abuse has a way of haunting people. I told you earlier that I was scared to lose anyone, so I’ve avoided getting too close, but that wasn’t the whole truth. I’m also scared of leaving behind children who might be at the mercy of someone. I’m also afraid of fully trusting someone, of giving them that kind of power over my life.” She gave him a small smile. “I’m not talking about submission; just the usual marriage stuff. When you choose to share your life with someone, you’re giving them the power to hurt you badly, even if they wouldn’t mean to. I’ve always been too afraid. Perhaps Lindsay just couldn’t get past the trauma of what Monahan did to her enough to enjoy the BDSM lifestyle anymore. I didn’t know her, or you then, but I can’t imagine you wouldn’t have done everything you could’ve. There might have never been a fix for her.”

Julian sighed. “I suppose.”

“Do you know what happened to her?”

With a soft squeeze, he released her hand to put both of his on the steering wheel, clearly withdrawing from the moment and preparing to focus on driving. “I do. We stayed in contact for a while. She married an accountant and was going back to school to major in criminal justice when we last spoke.” His voice broke when he added, “She asked me not to call again. She didn’t want to explain my role in her life to her husband, and she said she had to make a clean break with all of it.”

She winced. “Oh, I’m sorry. It must have hurt to be in love with her and—”

Julian shook his head as he started the vehicle. “I wasn’t in love with her. We were friends and lovers, both trying to find our niches in the world of BDSM, but I never loved her. I’ve never truly loved anyone in my past.

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