Priestley Plays Four by J. B. Priestley

Author:J. B. Priestley [J B Priestley]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-1-84943-732-5
Publisher: OBERON BOOKS Ltd
Published: 2012-03-03T16:00:00+00:00

SCENE SEVEN

Enchanters’ Dining-room. MARLAGRAM enters, sits down at table.

MARLAGRAM: (As if addressing invisible waiter.) Bowl of porridge.

It appears magically on the table, and at once he begins eating it. After a moment MALGRIM enters and sits opposite.

Have a bowl o’ porridge, like me.

MALGRIM: Great Beelzebub – no! I don’t have to eat slops yet. (Sharply addressing invisible waiter.) Duck and green peas. Flagon of Bordeaux. (Nothing happens. MARLAGRAM watches with a malicious grin.) Didn’t you hear me? Duck and green peas. Flagon of Bordeaux…

MARLAGRAM: (When it is obvious the magic isn’t on.) He-he-he-he! (Addressing invisible waiter.) Bowl of porridge.

A bowl of porridge appears in front of MALGRIM. He is furious.

MALGRIM: (Jumping up, angrily.) This is absolutely intolerable, Uncle. We agreed from the first that no matter what magical moves and countermoves we might have to make against each other, neither of us would interfere with the domestic arrangements. And now look what you’ve done!

MARLAGRAM: Who started breaking arrangements, lad? You did. As soon as that young man Sam challenged the dragon, you should have changed the dragon back into what’s-his-name. Then there’d be no dragon and Sam could have claimed his Princess.

MALGRIM: (Sitting again.) Why should you care? She’s given you the Merlin brooch.

MARLAGRAM: Not she! You ought to know what women are, even young ones. I don’t get that brooch till the King’s given his consent to her marrying Sam.

MALGRIM: O-ho! No brooch yet – eh?

MARLAGRAM: He-he! No lunch yet neither.

MALGRIM: Pooh – I’m not hungry –

MARLAGRAM: And another thing, lad. Where’s that girl Ninette gone to – eh! He-he-he! Well, you know that flock of geese just below the Castle? He-he-he! Now she’s one of them –

MALGRIM: (Jumping up, angrily, ready to go.) Why – you unscrupulous old –

MARLAGRAM: (Cutting in.) Sit down, boy, there’s over two hundred geese there – you’d be all day on it. I’ll turn her back as soon as we’ve finished our business. Plenty of business too. Sam and that Captain Plunket are on their way here.

MALGRIM: How do you know?

MARLAGRAM: I’m an enchanter, aren’t I lad? And a better one than you – an’ of course if you have an enchanter son or nephew, you’ll be better than him. Remember, ours is a profession of wise men. So we have regress instead of progress. That means that as we grow old we’re always the best men in the profession –

MALGRIM: But at that rate – in a few hundred years –

MARLAGRAM: They’ll be no better than amateurs – right. People won’t believe what we could do. But they’re here. (Calling.) Come in, come in!

Enter SAM and CAPT. P.

Sit down, sit down. What’ll you take to drink?

CAPT. P.: Two large Malmsleys.

MARLAGRAM: (Addressing invisible waiter.) Two large Malmsleys – sharp!

CAPT. P.: (As drinks appear on table.) Service! Couldn’t manage a cigar, could you, old boy?

MARLAGRAM: Not here. Not for hundreds and hundreds of years.

CAPT. P.: (Ready to drink.) Well – happy days! (Drinks.) Now, Sam old boy, tell them.

SAM: (Earnestly.) Look here – you two – you’ve simply got to disenchant Dimmock and make that dragon vanish – or I’m sunk.

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