My Ox Is Broken! by Adam-Troy Castro

Author:Adam-Troy Castro [Castro, Adam-Troy]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781941631454
Publisher: BenBella Books, Inc.

1. Colin and Christie (Team Extreme) 3:15 P.M.

2. Charla and Mirna (Team Habibi) 3:21 P.M.

3. Brandon and Nicole (Team Divine Intervention) 3:54 P.M.

4. Bob and Joyce (Team Internet) 4:22 P.M.

5. Kami and Karli (The Clueless Barbies) 5:04 P.M.

6. Linda and Karen (The Bowling Moms) 5:15 P.M.

7. Chip and Kim (The Enthusiastic Tourists) 5:17 P.M.

8. Marshall and Lance (The Pizza Brothers) 5:34 P.M.

9. Jim and Marsha (Team Just a Flesh Wound) ELIMINATED

Leg #4: Tears and Caviar

Charla and Mirna, not sufficiently engaged by their antipathy toward The Pizza Brothers, find themselves in an even more rancorous feud with Team Extreme.

Receiving $241, teams have to take secure bus tickets for a twenty-hour ride to Buenos Aires, where they will take off for St. Petersburg, Russia. Once in Russia they will have to find the battleship Aurora, famous for firing the first shot of the Russian Revolution. That, people, is just to find their first clue. Something like two days of travel. What a serious schlep.

Colin’s previous comments about being “so serious, we have to beat the midget” aside, the actual war between the two teams begins when Mirna barges into his conversation with a bus-station employee. Colin points out, quite rightly, that the next bus doesn’t leave for hours, and there’s no point in interrupting. “Mirna,” he voice-overs over a shot of himself shaking his head in disbelief, “might just be the rudest person I’ve met in my entire life.” Another unnecessary argument on line for a nonstop bus drives the wedge in further, leaving Mirna to complain, “I can’t stand criminals.” Also a bit much.

Once in Russia, the clue at the battleship Aurora leads to a Detour: “Block Five Shots” (of a hockey puck) or “Drink One Shot” (balancing a shot glass on a saber). About all worth special notice, here, is that Brandon elects hockey rather than compromise his religious principles by drinking, and Charla’s quite the sight in oversized hockey gear. Meanwhile, Marshall is now limping, in serious pain.

The Bronze Horseman, a monument to Peter the Great, leads teams to the leg’s true drama: a Roadblock at the Old Tower Restaurant, in the town of Pushkin. Players have to eat one kilogram, or just over two pounds, of caviar. Christie, who arrives first, gags at her very first mouthful, but once she’s begun, has to go through with it. A few spoonfuls later, she’s weeping, and fighting through her revulsion. It doesn’t help when Brandon and Nicole show up and the just-as-revolted Nicole likens the experience to “swallowing a giant lugie,” or when Chip catches up and shovels down his entire bowl.

With Chip and Kim moving on the Pit Stop at Catherine’s Palace, and Christie and Nicole getting sicker with every gulp, Charla and Mirna arrive, and the war between teams continues. When Mirna declares, “[Charla] is the strongest woman here,” Colin mutters, “I hate [her].” Charla further endears herself to everybody by singing, “It’s no big deal,” and crowing, “Mmmm-mmm, this is so good.” But the taunting has an

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