Migration, Family and the Welfare State by unknow

Author:unknow
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781135704322
Goodreads: 18556337
Publisher: Routledge
Published: 2012-06-26T00:00:00+00:00

Transnational (Arranged) Marriage as an Ethical Decision

Alia, whose parents came from Pakistan, described her and her husband’s transnational, arranged marriage before giving her views on the current Danish debate on ethnic minority partner choice.

I think that it [the debate] is a shame. Of course there are some who are caught in a forced marriage…but that’s a minority. Most arranged marriages last longer—[they are] arranged in the positive sense. They last longer than relationships where you just fall in love head over heels but everything lasts just a year. Because as soon as you settle down with this person you find out that he burps a little more than you imagined, and unpleasant things just pop up because you were just blinded by love. When your parents take action…they can just step back a little and say, ‘Well, this is something that is going to work between two adult people’. There is a larger safety net. I really think it’s a shame that the public debate puts us [ethnic minorities] in such a bad light (interview, August 2006).

Interestingly, Alia also reflects on arranged marriages in her statement, thus reproducing the unclear distinction between the two marriage types that exist within the debate. But even though Alia certainly reproduces majority-defined discourses and categorisations, she also challenges and transforms them. While she admits that both forced and arranged marriages exist, she explicitly seeks to present an alternative view of arranged marriages by pointing to qualities that she believes are too seldom discussed. Whereas, she explains, non-arranged marriages within the majority are based on the unsteady condition of romantic love, arranged marriages are based on the judgment of parents who want the best for their children. For her, one positive outcome of arranged marriages as a family affair is that the young couple has a safety net to fall back on.

Alia frames her way of practising marriage as an ethical action. She presents arranged marriages as building on reasonable judgements and on family members’ concern for each other, something that prevents irrational emotions taking the upper hand and where making the right decision is a product of family solidarity. Thus Alia both counters voices in the public debate describing arranged marriages as un-Danish (a concept with strong ethical connotations), and interprets her own marriage according to these very standards: arranged marriages are as reliable as marriages based on romantic love, if not superior to them (a move that we may interpret as an attempt to capture discursive power).

A recurring theme among respondents is their claims for the superiority of arranged marriages. They may, for example, make these claims by pointing to the ethical dimensions of such marriages (safety net, family support, a rational way of preventing divorce), thereby countering otherwise powerful representations of traditional marriage practices within the public arena. They also stress that arranged marriages are actually based on personal choice. We also see here the adaptation of normative arguments from the surrounding society and the ongoing debate on arranged and transnational marriage.

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