Lesbian Family Life, Like the Fingers of a Hand by Valory Mitchell

Author:Valory Mitchell [Mitchell, Valory]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781560237716
Barnesnoble:
Publisher: Taylor & Francis
Published: 2009-09-14T00:00:00+00:00

Outcry: Telling Others about the Abuse

Participants were asked about their experiences telling others about the abuse. They talked about telling various categories of people, and about the variety of reactions. Some received support from unexpected sources, such as an army chaplain and a radio talk show host. Several women had experienced abuse in a same-sex relationship while in the military. The military’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy on homosexuality made it very difficult for the women to tell anyone about the abuse for fear of revealing their relationship and, consequently, coming out as lesbian or bisexual.

Most participants did tell friends and were met with mixed reactions; others had not told anyone or had told very few people. Negative reactions, and having no safe people to tell, sometimes led to staying in the relationship, going back to living with the abuser, or not recognizing a relationship as abusive until it was pointed out by someone else. Isolation was a common tool used by abusers to keep the women from reaching out.

Responses that encouraged the women to leave the abusive partner, but did not include any specific guidance or assistance with leaving the relationship, were described as not helpful.

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