Hate at First Sight by Penelope Bloom

Author:Penelope Bloom [Bloom, Penelope]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2018-06-15T05:00:00+00:00

7

Lindsey

I'm typing up a review on my blog when I flinch for what must be the tenth time in the last hour as something loud cracks out through the night outside. It sounds like fireworks or gunshots, and it's definitely coming from the direction of Chris' cabin.

I lean back in my chair, cracking my fingers and looking out the window toward the sound. I still cringe with shame when I think how I touched myself in the shower last night after Chris had his hands on me. I don’t think I’ve ever been that turned on, which pisses me off to admit. Hating someone shouldn’t be so hard. I tried not caring about him, but that isn’t an easy lie to sell when I spend half my time thinking about him.

I’ve never met a man who is so hard to pin down and define. Ryan was easy. Despite all his douchebag qualities, he had one real thing going for him: a caveman like devotion to protecting my honor, as dumb as that sounds. If we were at a party and somebody said anything that insulted me or some guy was looking at me wrong, Ryan would blow up on them. I always said I hated it in the moment, and most of me did, but when I look back, it’s probably the only real redeeming quality about him. I was so insecure that I needed his over-the-top shows of devotion to feel secure and safe.

Other than that, I had him figured out within weeks of dating. If I had bothered to see what was right in front of my eyes, I would’ve known he would set his sights on someone new and more exciting eventually, just like he’ll probably do with Claire after a couple more years.

Chris though?

He has too many layers to understand. There’s the guy he wants to show me, the guy who’s quick to tell me to fuck off and get rid of me--the one who doesn’t care about my feelings. Then there’s the part of him I’ve caught glimpses of, a side of him that is protective and almost kind. Like when he stepped in to save me embarrassment when Ryan was a douchebag at the grocery store or when he admitted to appreciating my email. Those two parts don’t match up. He’s either one or the other. Chris can’t not care about my feelings and want to protect them at the same time, and that makes me think the real Chris does care.

It should be impossible to forgive some of the things he's said and done already, but I keep coming back to that other side of his personality. If that's the real him, why is he trying so hard to convince me it's not? It makes me think there's a good heart hiding behind those tattoos and muscles. Maybe that makes me a sucker. I'm not sure. I just know no amount of mental cheerleading is actually going to motivate me to take the smart path and cut him off.

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