Grieving Mindfully by Sameet M. Kumar

Author:Sameet M. Kumar [Sameet Kumar]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: FICTION / Mystery & Detective / General
ISBN: 978-1-60882-425-0
Publisher: New Harbinger Publications
Published: 2011-05-09T16:00:00+00:00

Closure in Sudden Loss

Unexpected losses, such as those that result from suicide, murder, accidental death, or sudden physical or emotional distance, can prevent us from saying good-bye to our loved ones. It is important in these instances to find a way to say good-bye, in order to allow for closure of the relationship and the unfolding of your grief. When a face-to-face conversation was impossible, it is especially important to find a way to feel that you were able to say good-bye emotionally and spiritually. You can do this by performing a ritual to acknowledge the end of the relationship. This symbolic farewell can take the form of a wake or a commemoration ceremony—either among friends and family, or privately. For many of us who work with the terminally ill, holding a yearly collective remembrance event allows us to contemplate all the people who have died during the year to whom we were unable to say our final farewells.

However, just as a face-to-face good-bye does not necessarily insulate you from the intensity of grief, a commemoration ritual may not make the pain go away either. What it does permit is a mental, emotional, and spiritual acknowledgement that loss has happened. It allows you to acknowledge the immense task ahead of you, even if you were not present for the final moments of your loved one’s presence.

There are many ways to carry out a symbolic farewell after sudden loss. The father of one of my patients had a sudden heart attack while she was out at a movie, and he had died by the time she rushed home from the theater. In order to say good-bye to him, she wrote him a letter, which she carried to his favorite beach and cast into the ocean. This simple ritual allowed her to feel connected to her father one last time, just long enough to acknowledge his death. Many of my patients have lit candles and incense at a specially designated time or place to facilitate a sense of “good-bye.” Someone I know even went on a pilgrimage to her husband’s ancestral home in Ireland after he was killed in car accident. She wore his wedding ring as a pendant in order to bring him with her for this final trip home.

Use your creativity and your intimate knowledge of what was special to your loved one to say good-bye in a symbolic way. This may mean writing a letter or taking a trip, as in the above examples, or something else. It may mean going to a special place, or doing a ritual at home. What is important is that the action allows your feelings to be expressed.

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