Dismantled: How Love and Psychedelics Broke a Clergyman Apart and Put Him Back Together by Bruce Sanguin

Author:Bruce Sanguin
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Healing;Psychedelics;Trauma;Psychology;Spirituality;Wellness;Christianity
Publisher: Viriditas Press
Published: 2018-09-14T00:00:00+00:00

AFTER MY SECOND YEAR of seminary I was required to do an internship. I moved my small family to Milton, Ontario. Thus began my practical education. But I still had my head buried in books.

I remember having lunch at the Acorn Café on Main Street, an egg salad sandwich. I read a poem, the last line of which was “the meaning of life is the tear of joy shed at the sight of a well-cooked omelet.” I have no memory of paying the bill. I felt like I was lifted up off the ground and carried down Main Street. Everything was in slow motion. I cannot remember my feet touching the ground. I ended up in a field of wheat on the outskirts of town. The autumn sun lit up the heads of wheat blowing in the wind. I was in ecstasy. Everything was flow. Everything was connected. The line between me and what I was seeing blurred. My prayer was that this bliss would never end. Which, of course, marked its end.

Ecstasy literally means “out of the place where we stand.” The ecstasy of this experience was that it brought needed relief from my feeling of separation and disconnection. The “place where we stand” is the adapted self and its insatiable need to appropriate everything to itself so we can assure ourselves that we really do exist. To be relieved of that self and to make direct contact with the world was pure bliss. I was also given a glimpse of the extraordinary glory shining through and manifesting as the physical world.

I’ve spent decades trying to understand why this very simple line of poetry would trigger a mystical experience. As well as enabling me to stand outside myself and unselfconsciously unite with a wheat field, my guess is it was an invitation to feel life, not just think about it. I made contact.

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