Control Theory (The Control Series Book 1) by Elise Kiting

Author:Elise Kiting [Kiting, Elise]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2021-06-16T05:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER TEN

Sleep doesn’t come and I end up on the internet.

He does not appear to technically have Sexual Sadism Disorder (SSD), because you only have a disorder if you inflict your desires on nonconsenting persons of if it is causing you ‘distress’. Nothing about the process seems to cause him any distress at all.

He has pretty much all of the other symptoms, though.

I try to find what causes it and get no information, or rather too much information. Nonsense. Maybe he’s born with it; maybe someone was mean to him once. It is because he is insecure and needs reassurance; it is because he is overconfident and enjoys showing it; it is because he is delusional and needs it

to bring him back to reality; it is because reality is boring and he needs fantasies of power; it is because he is depressed, because he is manic, because he hates women and doesn’t like to think of them enjoying sex, because he is obsessed with them and can’t stop thinking about them enjoying sex.

It could be because of anything or nothing at all, apparently.

I give up on anything academic or intellectual, kick my browser into private browsing and look up porn. (Men love porn; the odds that he is the exception are low.) After five minutes of going through every combination of objects from his room and body parts they might be applied to I conclude that he isn’t as much of an anomaly as I had first thought: someone, somewhere has already done anything he could conceivably intend to do and taken video. Thousands of people have then watched said video. Where researchers fear to tread, apparently.

I close that, too. It’s not doing me any good; most of the people in these appear to be so simple, brutal even, and he is so intricate. Complex. Like a watch, ticking away.

I have succeeded in tiring myself out, if nothing else. As I lay back I think of him again, that hair, those eyes. My hand wanders downward but I am still too sore; whatever skill he has at handling me, his delicate touch, I don’t have it. It’ll have to wait for another time, or for him.

Probably him.

I seem to wait and wait for sleep that will never come and then I am waking up with the sun coming through the window. I guess it’s morning. I resign myself to getting up and sometime during my second pot of coffee I start to feel human. Violet is coming in for her run while I’m leaving for work and we smile at each other, but she has earbuds in so we don’t say anything.

I am very distracted at work. I tell everyone that my ear is bandaged because I caught my earring on something. I make it about an hour into my shift before I message him.

I’m hungry and I want expensive food. My lunch break is at eleven thirty.

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