Bored of the Rings by Tolkien JRR

Author:Tolkien, JRR [JRR, Tolkien,]
Format: epub
Published: 2010-04-10T22:28:46.763000+00:00

The three sat under the broad branches and thought upon the hard travels they had made, seemingly to no purpose. What good would the defeat of Serutan be if Sorhed claimed Frito's Ring for his own? Who could resist his power then? For a long while they brooded. L"Isn't it about time for a _deus ex machina?_" said Legolam wearily. Suddenly there was a loud pop and a bright burst of light that momentarily blinded the shocked three. The acrid odor of cheap flash-powder filled the air, and the companions heard a distinct _thump_ followed by a louder _oof!_ Then through the swirling confetti, they saw a shining figure dressed all in white, brushing the twigs and dirt from his spotless bell- bottoms and gleaming a-go-go boots. Above the white Nehru jacket and cheesy medallion was a neatly trimmed gray beard set off by oversized wraparound shades. The whole ensemble was topped off by a large white panama with a matching ostrich plume. 8"Serutan!" gasped Arrowroot. "Close, but no cigar," cackled the brilliant figure as he flicked a bit of invisible dust from his tailored shoulder. "Pray try again. It is a sad thing indeed when old pals are recognized not!" "Goodgulf?!" cried the three. "None other," said the aged fop. "You seemed astonished that I have reappeared." X"But how did--did you . . . ?" began Legolam. "We thought the ballhog . . ." said Gimlet. The old wizard winked and straightened his vulgar medallion. "My story is a long one indeed, and I am not the same Goodgulf Grayteeth that you once knew. I have undergone many changes, no thanks to you, I might add." "Yah, a little Clairol on the temples and a trim," whispered the observant dwarf. 8"I heard that!" said Goodgulf, scratching a razor-cut sideburn. "Take not too lightly my present form, for my powers are even mightier." "But how did you--" "Much have I journeyed since we last met, and much have I seen, and there is much I would tell thee," said Goodgulf. "Anything but the name of your tailor," said Gimlet. "Where'd you get those duds, anyway? I thought Halloween was months off yet." "A most delightful little boutique in Lornadoon. It's me, don't you think?" N"More than you know," agreed the dwarf. H"But how did--" began Legolam again. FThe Wizard made a sign for silence. "Know now that I am no longer the Wizard of old. My spirit has been purged, my nature has been altered, my image has been remade. There is little of the former self that in me remains." With a flourish, Goodgulf doffed his panama in a low bow. "I am completely transformed." "Bets?" grunted Gimlet as he saw five aces fall out of the hat. "But Goodgulf!" exclaimed the elf impatiently. "You have not yet told us how you survived the clutches of the ballhog, lived through the flames, recovered from the fall into the boiling pit, and escaped the bloodthirsty narcs to find us here!"

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