Beck and Call by Kimberly Carrillo

Author:Kimberly Carrillo [Carrillo, Kimberly]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2020-02-27T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter Fifteen

Evie

I stood at the railing of the club watching bodies writhe and twist to the thrumming of the music. The building had its own pulse, and I could feel it beat under my palms. Part of me longed to join them, to lose myself under the flashing lights and join the anonymity of a crowd.

I wondered, briefly, if this was how my mother felt when she was my age. She was only twenty-four when she passed away, and the last year of her life was a frenzied tangle of mistakes. I'd watch her flit from one thing to another, always searching for something to make her feel good. Men, booze, drugs, she tried all of it. There were brief moments she'd turn to me to lift her up. Nothing sustained her, and she'd roam again in search of the next high.

So many things during that time made me feel low. It was ironic, the higher she got the lower I sank, because I was never enough. I couldn't even enjoy when she'd turn to me, because I always let her down. Then, I'd be angry at her for being weak. Honestly, I was still angry at her, except now I understood a little. Of all the things that have terrified me in my life, developing an understanding of my mother was the scariest.

There was a racing heat traveling in my veins that demanded I seek relief. It made me restless and unmoored. I hadn't had a drop of alcohol, and yet my head swam. A cold sweat broke out on my forehead, and the need to run away was overwhelming. My chest tightened, and it became hard to breathe. Air, I needed air because the people in here had sucked it all out of the building.

Sabrina and Jana were both dancing with men who'd come to talk to them. I'd blown off every effort a man had made to talk to me all night, and eventually they stopped. My friends didn't actually need me around. Once they knew how much of a downer I was, they'd probably prefer it if I were gone.

No one stays, not with me. At least my grandmother didn't choose to leave me. God, I missed her. She was my rock, my one safe place. Without her nothing made sense anymore.

Without much thought I found myself descending the stairs. I didn't grab my purse, or the wrap thing Jana told me looked better with the dress she convinced me to wear. There was only one thought pounding in my head. Air.

I shouldered my way through sweaty bodies and past the bouncer at the door. Unsure of where I was and no idea where I wanted to go, I picked a direction and began to walk. After I turned the corner the smell of the sea lured me to keep walking farther. The giant Ferris wheel loomed dark and foreboding in the distance. It had closed down hours earlier and seemed less inviting without the lights brightening it's imposing metal frame.

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