All the Lost Little Horses by Janice Kay Johnson

Author:Janice Kay Johnson [Johnson, Janice Kay]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2018-12-27T00:00:00+00:00

*****

The light Linette had turned on in the hall let her see Jed sitting up in bed, the quilt pooled below his waist. He stared straight ahead, horror on his face. She wasn’t sure he was awake.

“Jed.”

He didn’t move. He was naked from the waist up, every muscle standing out, locked in tension.

“Jed.” She hurried to the bedside. “Wake up. Please. Wake up.”

His head turned toward her, his eyes colorless and yet searing. Did he see her? Or only whatever monstrous memory had come to him in his sleep?

Stopping next to the bed, she started to reach out but was afraid to actually touch him.

“I…I heard you yell, and I wanted to be sure you’re okay. Maybe you have nightmares all the time, but if it’s because of what’s happening here, I’m sorry.” Oh God, she was babbling. “Um, will you say something? You’re scaring me.”

He blinked a couple of times, groaned and flopped back against the pillows. “Sorry,” he mumbled. “I don’t usually—”

“Have awful dreams?”

“Make any noise.” He rolled his head, shoulders, relaxing his fingers with seeming deliberation.

She hadn’t seen his bare chest in five years. If anything, he was now more perfectly sculpted, although she couldn’t imagine him lifting weights in front of a mirror or anything like that. His muscles were purely functional, never intended for show.

She wasn’t at his bedside to gawk, Linette told herself severely.

“You didn’t use to have nightmares,” she said.

His head turned. “I did. I never wanted you to know.”

The reminder of the many ways he’d shut her out felt like a knife sliding between her ribs. She nodded.

“Don’t look like that.”

“Like what?” she asked, trying to school her expression.

“As if—” His mouth thinned, but he continued, “I hurt you.”

“You didn’t have to hide from me,” she said honestly. “I would have loved all of you.”

He flinched. “I…didn’t believe that. I wasn’t even sure—” He didn’t stop quite soon enough.

“That you wanted me to,” she finished, hoping her bitterness hadn’t leaked into her voice. “I got that.”

He scrubbed his hand over his face. “You don’t understand.”

Suddenly weary, she said, “It doesn’t matter, Jed. What’s done is done. I’ll let you sleep—”

His hand caught hers before she could back away. “Wait.”

Not moving at all, she whispered, “Wait for what?”

“I don’t know. Will you stay for a minute? Maybe sit down?”

There was something in his voice she’d never heard. Not quite a plea, but…close? And…sit on the bed right beside him? He wouldn’t be completely naked, would he? No, surely he’d wear at least boxer shorts in case something happened.

What had ever made her think she could resist Jed Dawson?

Hesitantly, she sat, tucking one foot under her so that she could face him. She wished she could see him better, but didn’t reach for the lamp. He looked away for a minute as if he didn’t know what to say.

But he was the one who’d asked her to stay. So she asked, “Are your nightmares always about things that happened when you were deployed?”

He surprised her by answering.

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