Love Finds Its Pocket by Mary Scarpelli

Author:Mary Scarpelli [Scarpelli, Mary]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781310613289
Publisher: Mary Scarpelli
Published: 2018-11-28T03:00:00+00:00

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Chapter 5

1 Out Of Every 8, or, the Twelve Percenters

Toni walked up and down the corridors as she had been doing during the two long hours since her arrival, hoping to expend her fears and some of the anxiety that was gripping at her heart. The panic attacks had subsided considerably over the previous few days – aided in part by several lengthy discussions with Kat but as the big day was approaching, those intensely powerful feelings of dread, originating as a tingling sensation at her temples, expanding to encompass the entire circumference of her head, then converging at the back of her neck to descend her spine, settling in to liquefy the contents of her intestines, began to materialize anew, refusing mollification.

This was more than she could handle alone, yet her best friend, her lover, her lifeline, was incapacitated so could not provide any comfort. Toni worked diligently to conceal from Kat exactly how frightened she was; Kat needed her to be a pillar of strength as she was no longer able to act in that capacity for them both, which left Toni dazed and feeling inadequate to carry the weight of the burden looming before them.

Although the possibility exists for all women, Toni never thought it would happen to Kat – she was wonder woman, the amazing, invincible Kat with the indomitable spirit that all women envied. She was big, beautiful Kat, the female Atlas, effortlessly carrying the weight of her world, never buckling, never complaining. Even though they were assured that her prognosis for a full recovery was well into the ninetieth percentile, that assuming the worst was a waste of precious energy hence best reallocated toward more positive thinking, Toni tended to revisit those darker proclivities whenever Kat was not by her side. Clouds of doubt, suspicions of false positivity masquerading as hope when the future promised to bring them only grief and desolation, infused her thinking process. Her mind cycled through multiple iterations of despair, unable to retain optimism as her default reaction.

She had been unable to sit still ever since Kat’s parents entered the waiting room. The entire Mangiarmi clan was also there to support their beloved Kat because they each, in their own way, had fallen madly in love with her and would rather have lost a limb than even consider a life without her in it.

Every time anyone would share with Toni a trite aphorism about fate or trusting the beneficence of god and that this god was the same deity who would never have foisted upon one of His subjects something that he or she couldn’t handle, her inclination was to aim for the throat and choke that person until they stopped speaking.

Sometimes, silence is the best response to bad news as that coupled with a big hug can convey support and love by providing the most beneficial comfort without offense. Just offering to be there for someone, letting a person know that if the situation becomes too heavy to handle

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