Lady Chatterley's Lover by Milligan Spike

Author:Milligan, Spike [Milligan, Spike]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

Knees, you’ve got to have knees

They’re the things that take the shock

when you sneeze

Without any show of appreciation, he grabbed her by the ankles, pulled her back down on the blanket and started to roger her again.

‘I must go now,’ she insisted. ‘There’s cottage pie for dinner.’

Every word came out in a jerked voice as he continued to bang away. Suddenly, to her horror, she realized he was eating a cheese sandwich.

‘Just a snack,’ he gasped.

‘There’s something sticking in me through the blanket,’ she said.

‘It’s my fly buttons,’ he said.

Then it was all over, mostly over her. ‘I’ll light the lamp,’ he said.

So far they’d been fucking in Braille. He kissed the inside of her thighs. ‘Don’t forget the Sanatogen,’ he winked.

They dressed. He opened the door, outside waited the faithful dog, soaked to the skin, he’d be glad when this screwing was over. Mellors held up the lantern, she looked into his strange eyes; fancy, two pounds thirty shillings, would he ever be able to break the habit.

‘It’s quarter to seven, you’ll do it,’ he said.

Yes, I’ll do it, she thought, and why not, he’s just done me.

‘I’ll come tomorrow,’ she whimpered.

‘Aye,’ he said. ‘Not so late, I want to get back to eight a second.’

Suddenly he grabbed her, whipped his hand up her dress and felt her fanny, the hairs on it were like bristles, as he let each one go they went Pinggg! Oh, they’re going to do a knee-trembler thought the dog and started to howl.

‘Please don’t kick his arse,’ she begged and was gone into the night. He returned to his cottage for a pleasant hour of sewing on fly buttons. There’s an old country saying: ‘There’s nowt like it.’

The next day she didn’t go to the woods because of a big surprise. She went out instead with Clifford. He could occasionally go out in the car. He had got a strong man as a chauffeur — he was so strong he could lift a bar bell 399 pounds in weight above his head and leave it there! So he could lift Clifford out of the car if need be — there were frequent ‘needs be’, you can’t live in a car. He went to see Leslie Winter at Shipley Hall.

Winter was an elderly gentleman and had been since he was seven. He was a wealthy coal owner, he owned three 100-cwt sacks. He’d had his heyday in King Edward’s time, it was very nice of Edward to let Winter have his heyday in the King’s time. King Edward had stayed at Winter’s for the shooting, but each time the old man had hidden. Winter, his home was a handsome Georgian stucco villa. He prided himself on his style, which was in a field a mile away, but the place was beset by collieries: there was one in every room. Winter did not entertain much respect for Clifford because of photographs in illustrated papers, especially the Exchange and Mart! Towards Constance he was always gallant, but that was only towards: sideways and backwards he was different.

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