Cupid Stunts:The Life & Radio Times Of Kenny Everett by Stafford David & Stafford Caroline

Author:Stafford, David & Stafford, Caroline [Stafford, David]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780857128676
Publisher: Omnibus Press
Published: 2013-05-11T21:00:00+00:00

“I am now in a position,” wrote The Times radio critic David Wade after hearing the first transmission, “to complete the puzzle posed by the title If It’s Wednesday It Must Be … The concluding words are: … Time to do the Shopping, or Hide in a Cupboard, or Shoot Yourself, or in fact Any Old Thing at all so long as it Prevents You Tuning In at 9.35.”58

A few weeks later though, the same critic saw fit to recant his hasty judgment and wrote: “Mercifully there has been a marked improvement in the tone and content of this programme and I have heard the last two offerings with a relatively steady pulse and normal blood-pressure … If It’s Wednesday … does all right as an accompaniment to making the beds, clearing the breakfast or doing a spot of weeding, although Kenny Everett’s one-man adventures of Rock Salmon will stand rather closer attention.”59

If It’s Wednesday It Must Be … ran for three series – one in the summer hols, one at Christmas and one at Easter.

Rock Salmon was a hero in the Captain Kremmen mould. In one episode his arch-enemy Loongland (that ‘malodorous git’) and his henchman Legiron have imprisoned Rock and his camp sidekick, Aubrey.

LOONGLAND: Legiron, wrap them in this aluminium baking paper.

ROCK: Curses – foiled again!

LOONGLAND: Strap him down on this table with a circular saw. That should cut him down to size.

SFX: BUZZ SAW

LOONGLAND: What’s this writing on the inside of his leg? It says ‘Brighton’. What’s the meaning of this?

ROCK: Don’t you know? Rock is lettered all the way through. LOONGLAND: Is this some kind of joke?

ROCK: We just did it for a laugh.

LOONGLAND: Well, two can play at that game. Legiron – dismember Salmon’s arm.

ROCK: You swine, you wouldn’t …

LOONGLAND: We will make the master accountant quite ‘armless.

NARRATOR: Has Rock gone to pieces? If he pulls himself together will he be a self made man? How much more of this rubbish can you stand? Try to miss next week’s ordeal.

Having got away with saying ‘bum’ during the summer, for the Christmas edition Kenny gave blasphemy a whirl.

“Hello. Kenny Everett here. Did you know it’s actually my birthday on Christmas Day? It really is. December 25, 1944, the front room of our house in Liverpool. I have often been tempted as a result of this to believe that I’m the Second Coming. Last time I thought this, George Harrison came along and tried to tell us he was, but I knew he was an imposter when he sang” (blast of George singing My Sweet Lord) “‘I really want to see you, Lord …’. He wouldn’t write that about himself, would he? He wrote it for me. Jesus and I are both Capricorns, you know. Not only do we have that in common – we both have a lovely nature and an acute desire to be loved. And a beard.”

Kenny’s Radio 4 appearances became an audition tape/plea for an end to his exile and the return of his proper job back on his rightful channel Radio 1.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.