Beyond All Evil by June Thomson

Author:June Thomson
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
Published: 2011-04-13T04:00:00+00:00

Chapter 17

These Special Gifts

‘Women trapped in relationships such as these keep going … they need to remember the man they first met.’

Ian Stephen

June: As the years rolled by, I stopped trying to escape – then the miracle happened.

I had, amazingly, entered a period of relative calm. Rab realised I had capitulated, that I had resigned myself to incarceration behind the invisible bars he had erected around me. He knew there would be no more escape bids. My powerlessness appeared to have defused some of his anger. He still terrified me and the beatings continued, but they were less frequent and less violent.

He was my captor and, like all gaolers, he demanded a strict regime. My days were filled with trying to fulfil the demands of his ‘lists’. They were designed to be so time consuming that I would not be left with enough energy to hatch any further escape plans. His lists became something of a refuge for me. If I carried out his instructions – to the letter – I was less likely to be beaten. The lists were delivered in the form of barked orders: ‘Do this! Get that! Bring this!’

His demands were precise and specific. What time tea had to be on the table; which clothes were to be ironed; which tables to be polished; which cupboards to be cleaned. He even used to dispatch me to scrap yards to locate spare parts for the car. Juggling the lists with my duties as the mother of three growing children meant I had to rise at 5.30 a.m. If it was Rab’s intention to tire me out and never leave me with a moment to myself, his plan succeeded. I was a slave. I would fall into bed exhausted, but even then my duties might not be over. If Rab decided he fancied a portion of chips, I was summoned downstairs with a shout and sent to the ‘chippie’.

My comfort was the children. What leisure time I had was devoted to them. I took their Sunday-school class, watched plays, attended recitals, sat in the front row for prize-giving and cheered on sports days. I cannot remember Rab being with me. I also found the time to mentor disabled children from Michelle’s school. I loved doing it. I was privileged to meet so many special children and their families.

The move from Ayrshire to Fife seemed such a long time ago now and my children were getting bigger by the day. Michelle was 18 – a young woman. Ross was a bright teenager who learned quickly and my Shaun was by now a tall, solemn young man who had often cast himself in the role of my champion. When Rab’s temper broke, it was Shaun who came to my defence. Poor Shaun took many a beating. Ross and Michelle were insulated, he by being the ‘baby’ and she by her disabilities. It was Shaun who felt his father’s wrath most keenly and he would do so until 2000, when he decided to join the army.

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