Bear, Otter, & the Kid 01 - Bear, Otter, & the Kid (MM) by TJ Klune

Author:TJ Klune [Klune, TJ]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Published: 2013-04-28T04:00:00+00:00

8.

Where Bear Stares

into the Sun

I KNOW you’re probably wondering if I said anything back to him. I didn’t, but before you get all angry and are all, like, Oh my God, Bear, but he was so sweet and cute and vulnerable, just know that I have my reasons. The clouds might have been gone, and the ocean might have gone back to wherever it came from, but I knew they were still there, somewhere. Trying to reconcile with this complete change that I’ve been going through has been more taxing that I’d first thought. For days now, I’ve wanted nothing more than to sleep either in my bed alone or with him. Even when it’s with him, I’m usually asleep as soon as I hit the pillow. My body is lethargic and my thoughts muddled, but it’s not so very bad. Hearing him say what he said has brought new understanding to who I am and who I want to be. If someone can care about me that deeply, despite all my faults, despite all my refutations, despite all my everythings, then that makes all the storms and all the oceans worth it. I just hope that I can remember this. It’s a thought I fall asleep to, and it’s there when I wake. It’s my mantra, and I repeat it so I know that I know he is real.

But do I love him? I don’t know. Don’t get me wrong: I’ve always loved Otter, but not in the way that we’re talking about now. If I do love-love him (God, how lame does that sound?), it’s in a way that I’ve never done before. I think often about how I felt about Anna. I try to compare the feelings, but it’s just not possible. There are so many differences between the two (aside from the fact that one has a penis) that it’s like I can never feel the same for Anna as I do for Otter. But I know I could never feel for Otter what Anna and I had. I think back to what Ty said, on that day that we went to Portland to pick up Creed. It’s only been weeks, but it seems like years. He said that he thought it was like your stomach was on fire, but in a good way. He said it’s like you could not go on another day without the person. I had told him I thought it was when all the stupid love songs on the radio started making sense. The only reason I think we’re both right is because his makes sense, but I found myself singing along to a Celine Dion song on the radio.

And I got it.

So what does it all mean? I wish I knew. I still can’t seem to shake the dark senseless jealousy I felt when he was talking about Jonah. I know Otter is here with me now, and he says he’s not going anywhere, but I can’t help feeling like his past is not as over as I’d like it to be.

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