You're Not Enough (And That's Okay) by Allie Beth Stuckey

Author:Allie Beth Stuckey [Stuckey, Allie Beth]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
Published: 2020-08-11T00:00:00+00:00

“Society has led us to believe our goal is to be beautiful, because according to the white supremacist capitalist patriarchy, beauty = value.” @recipesforselflove

“Our dominant culture actively profits from you believing that you are not worthy of love.” @emilyonlife

The common theme is that society’s standards, social constructs, stigmas, your parents, your boyfriend, capitalism, the patriarchy, mercury in retrograde, and so on are all repressing your true, uninhibited self and are therefore damaging your potential for a great life. If you can just relieve yourself of the unfair burdens these people and systems place on you, you will finally discover your authentic self and find the fulfillment you’ve been longing for.

From this perspective, you don’t have flaws—you have underappreciated qualities. You haven’t made mistakes—you’ve made decisions the “shame culture” wants to guilt you for. You’ve never failed—you’ve simply rejected society’s unrealistic standards of success.

In Girl, Stop Apologizing, Rachel Hollis argues: “For the average woman, the story goes something like this. When you came in to the world you were totally and utterly yourself. It wasn’t a conscious decision to be exactly who you were; it was instinct. Then, something changed. Something big happened, something that would shape the rest of your life, even if you have been aware of it at the time. You learned about expectations.”

The underlying premise is that who you are deep down is perfect and pure, like a diamond in the rough, and when you chip away at the layers of social norms and arbitrary expectations that have held you back, you’ll actualize that reality.

Where’s the lie?

First, let’s acknowledge what’s true about this mind-set. Some expectations are repressive and harmful. You don’t have to be a size 2 to be beautiful. You don’t have to perfectly balance work and motherhood to “have it all.” You don’t have to be independently wealthy before you’re thirty to be successful. You don’t have to be quiet to be kind or loud to be bold. Society shouldn’t dictate who you are or what you should do.

You are an individual, which means your life isn’t going to look like anyone else’s. You have your own talents, your own personality, your own strengths and weaknesses. Some people’s criticism of you will be misguided or a result of simply misunderstanding you. These criticisms can be ignored.

Therefore you will have to make hard choices, take responsibility for your own life, and get out of unhealthy relationships.

But none of these things will ever make us perfect because “who we really are” isn’t some flawless goddess marred by unfair societal standards or unhealthy relationships.

You are not perfect the way you are, and you never will be.

Scripture reveals this fact to us plainly. Biblically, there are only two kinds of selves: the old self and the new self. The old self is enslaved to sin, lost, looking for love and satisfaction in all the wrong places. The old self is totally depraved, hopeless, an enemy of God, and bound for destruction. This is who we all are apart from Christ.

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