Withnail and I by Bruce Robinson

Author:Bruce Robinson
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Bloomsbury Publishing
Published: 1995-01-15T00:00:00+00:00

WITHNAIL: Of course you have. You’re the poacher.

Not a very sensitive remark. JAKE is clearly upset by this accusation. Exploring his trousers he withdraws one of his eels.

JAKE: If I hear more wordsa you. I’ll put one of these here black pods on yer.

The eel wraps itself up Jake’s arm. A rapid retreat as he menaces the creature in WITHNAIL’s face.

WITHNAIL: Don’t threaten me with a dead fish.

JAKE: Half-dead he might be. But I’ll come on up after ye, and wake you up with a live one.

WITHNAIL: Sod your pheasants. You’ll have to find us first. WITHNAIL’s indignation has propelled him to the door. As MARWOOD follows him through JAKE raises his voice to bid them farewell.

JAKE: Oh, I know where you are. You two’s up at Crow Crag. I been watchin’ you. Especially you, prancin’ like a tit.

63. EXT. MOUNTAIN TRACK. OVER LAKE. NIGHT.

Several superior brains have dealt with nights like this. Here are raging moons and starry-starry nights.

MARWOOD and WITHNAIL labour through the mire. The latter breathless and staggering.

WITHNAIL: If I see that silage heap hanging around up here, I’ll take the bastard axe to him.

The cottage comes into sight. Indigo slates in the moonlight. WITHNAIL staggers to a wall and shouts at five miles of lake.

Bastards. Bastards. Bastards.

Nobody to reply except an echo. As loud and as drunk as he is.

You’ll all suffer. (Suffer. Suffer. Suffer.) I’ll show the lot of you. (You. You. You.) I’m gonna be a star.

(Star. Star. Star. Star. Star.)

He turns away and the echo fades into the black and starry night.

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